The word “abuse” is often immediately associated with physical violence. However, it’s essential to be aware of other kinds of abuse that could be experienced from an intimate partner so that you know warning signs to be aware of and how to react effectively and safely.

Domestic violence doesn’t always leave bruises. Data from the National Domestic Violence Hotline shows that 95% of hotline contacts in 2020 experienced emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse, sometimes known as psychological abuse, refers to behaviors meant to control you or harm your self-esteem. Examples include:

• Insults or putting you down
• Gaslighting (making you question your own memories or emotions)
• Isolating you from your loved ones
• Humiliation

For help and resources in a domestic violence situation, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. 

Domestic violence refers to a pattern of harmful behaviors by a partner as a way to gain power over a person. By learning how emotional abuse is a type of domestic violence that requires help, you can recognize the seriousness of a partner’s actions. Here are four ways that emotional abuse can be a form of domestic violence:

• It’s used to give your partner a sense of power over you.

Domestic violence often involves a partner trying to assert control and establish power over you. Emotional abuse is a way to make you feel “less than” your partner to keep you dependent on their attention. 

When you experience emotional abuse, the negative impact on your self-esteem can make you feel “grateful” for your partner because they make you believe that your only other option is being alone. But a partner should be there to lift you up and be an equal partner, not tear you down.

• It can strain or break your relationships with others.

Emotionally abusive partners may push you to distance yourself or completely break contact from your family and friends for a couple of reasons. The main reason why an emotionally abusive partner wants to isolate you away from your loved ones is because they want you to depend completely on them for every type of need, such as an emotional outlet or a potential financial resource. This dependency can make it difficult to leave them because you feel like you have no place to go.

Another possible reason for the isolation is the fear your partner has about you opening up about the abuse to others who may try to intervene. But while you’re in a toxic relationship, finding support in trusted friends and family members can help you see that you deserve better and provide a safe space.

• You may develop mental health conditions that affect your quality of life.

Any type of domestic violence can contribute to the cause or worsening of mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. The words from an intimate partner, who is meant to be the person who chooses to love you, can have a significant impact on how you see yourself. 

Emotional abuse can cause you to develop overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, uncertainty and sadness that hinder your everyday productivity and your goals for the future. You may also develop physical symptoms from the distress, such as gastrointestinal issues or weight changes.

• There’s always a risk it could escalate to physical violence.

When the abuse doesn’t involve physical violence, you may try to downplay the impact of emotional abuse by thinking, “It could be worse.” But any person who has the ability to carry out controlling or aggressive behavior can escalate to physical abuse that puts your health and safety in jeopardy. 

Even though all types of abuse should be seen as unacceptable, many people don’t recognize the unhealthy nature of their relationship until their partner puts their hands on them. But you don’t want to wait and find out if that emotional abuse will turn physical.

It can take time to heal from emotional abuse, especially if you didn’t recognize it as it was occurring. Whether you’ve left the relationship or you’re trying to figure out what the future looks like with your partner, talking to a therapist can help you work through the effects of your emotional abuse and improve your overall quality of life.

If your depression, anxiety or PTSD from a domestic violence situation has become overwhelming and difficult to manage, you may need further support beyond outpatient therapy. Lightfully’s four levels of care may help:

• Residential Treatment
• Partial Hospitalization Program 
• Intensive Outpatient Program
• Virtual Services (vPHP/vIOP)

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.