When you think of the holidays, do you think of looking at festive lights with a chill in the air? Or do you prefer movie marathons with cozy drinks? No matter what positivity comes from the holiday season, you may struggle to navigate the complexities of family dynamics that come along with it.

Family gatherings are common for many people during the holidays, no matter what you celebrate. While it can be nice to spend quality time with your relatives, it’s not always as joyful as we would hope. There can be many stressors that get in the way of proper celebration, such as old grudges, differing opinions on current events and complicated family trees. There’s also the possibility of generational trauma impacting the mood.

Generational trauma, sometimes called transgenerational trauma, refers to the emotional and psychological effects of a traumatic experience being passed down indirectly through mechanisms of transmission. Essentially, if something distressing occurred to one of your parents, grandparents or even great-grandparents, it could be a contributing factor to mental distress or challenges such as depression, trust issues or hypervigilance. 

If you’re trying to put yourself in the best mindset possible before attending family gatherings, here are a few ways that you can break generational trauma to enjoy the holidays with your loved ones:

• Show your gratitude for your family.

There’s no such thing as a perfect family. It’s likely that your family knows how to get under your skin like nobody else, even when they don’t mean to. But that doesn’t always diminish the positivity that they bring into your life.

When you feel like your family is stretching your patience during the holidays, try to take a moment to appreciate how they also enrich your life. By having loved ones that invite you over for the holidays, you’re surrounded by people who ask about your goals, listen to you discuss your problems and want to be by your side as you reach your fullest potential. Despite past traumas, you’re still showing up for one another.

You can show gratitude openly by telling a family member how much you appreciate them. And during strained conversations, you can also just take note of your gratitude internally. You might also benefit from keeping a gratitude journal.

• Set and enforce boundaries.

When others contribute to your mental distress, setting and maintaining boundaries should be a priority. By setting limits for the behaviors that you’re willing to accept, you’re protecting your mental, emotional and physical health. Boundaries are also an essential aspect of quality relationships with your family because they encourage respect and open communication.

If generational trauma has affected your family gatherings during the holidays, here are a few boundaries to set that can help break the cycle:

• Stepping away from difficult conversations
• Standing up for yourself or someone else who is being criticized or judged
• Saying no to potentially triggering situations

• Create new traditions.

If generational trauma has effects that are deeply ingrained in your family dynamics, there are ways that you can actively fight against them. You don’t need to just say, “That’s how things have always been.” The holidays are a perfect time to create new traditions that combat the negativity of old habits. You can take an active step in breaking the unhelpful cycle of behavior. 

For example, if substance misuse has become normalized, such as every member being expected to drink excessively, consider making a festive mocktail for members who only drink because they feel pressured to.

• Share positive stories from the family history.

It’s possible to recognize the difficulties that your older generations have gone through without letting them create challenges for the younger generations by regularly bringing them up in a more positive light. Use family gatherings as a safe place to share inspiring stories from past generations to spotlight the positive qualities that have come from them. You can also use this time as an opportunity to see how far the family has come from past challenges.

Here are a few examples of positive stories you can talk about:

• Your ancestors building a loving home after leaving a dangerous country
• How much you admire the strength and hard work of your grandparents when they experienced poverty
• Who became the first person in the family to go to college

Even though the holidays are supposed to be a time full of love and laughter, it’s hard to ignore the impact of generational trauma and how it can cause challenges during family gatherings. But it’s possible to break the cycle and make the most of your family time, even when your sister is being passive aggressive or your dad is lecturing you about your financial choices.

If generational trauma is putting overwhelming strain on your goal setting, relationships or sense of self, you might benefit from Lightfully’s four levels of care:

• Residential Treatment
• Partial Hospitalization Program 
• Intensive Outpatient Program
• Virtual Services (vPHP/vIOP)

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.