The holiday season often arrives with twinkling lights, family gatherings and warm traditions. However, when you’re carrying the weight of loss, this season can feel more like a minefield of painful memories and a spotlight on the empty chair at the table. If you’re facing the holidays while grieving, it’s perfectly natural and completely OK to feel sad, angry, lost or just plain exhausted. The holidays can amplify feelings of grief in a way that catches many people off guard. Around 35% of people don’t look forward to the holidays due to experiencing feelings of grief or loss. 

There is no right or wrong way to handle this time of year, and your only job is to be kind and gentle with yourself; you’re walking a difficult path. This article offers a list of tools you need to thrive this holiday season. 

7 ways to navigate grief during the holidays

Here are seven compassionate, practical ways you can help yourself navigate grief through this season of mixed emotions. 

• Give yourself permission to change everything. 

Do you feel an immense pressure to stick to old traditions? Maybe you feel like you have to host the dinner or hang the exact same decorations. This year, you have a different job: caring for your heart. 

Healing from loss often means accepting that things will never be exactly the way they were. Give yourself permission to break from traditions that feel too painful. You can choose to:

• Shrink the holiday.

If a huge family gathering feels overwhelming, plan a smaller, quieter meal with just a few close people. There is strength in saying, “I just can’t do that right now.”

• Travel or stay home. 

Instead of being at the usual place, you may find comfort in a change of scenery, or you may find comfort in the quiet familiarity of your own home. Do what your heart needs, not what others expect. 

• Set realistic, kind expectations. 

The person who is grieving the most is often the one who gets overlooked, and that’s usually you. Your energy is already low because grief is physically and mentally draining. The holidays add extra tasks, from shopping to cooking, which can quickly lead to burnout.

• Lower the bar.

Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for good enough. The cookies don’t have to be homemade and the house doesn’t have to be spotless. 

• Embrace the power of no. 

You’re allowed to decline invitations. If a party sounds like too much, simply say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it this year.” Protecting your peace is your top priority during the challenging season. 

• Accept help.

When someone asks, “What can I do?” tell them! Let a friend wrap gifts, ask a neighbor to walk your dog or let a relative bring a dish to dinner. People want to help, but they may not know how. 

• Acknowledge and plan for emotional triggers. 

The sights, smells and sounds of the season can be powerful triggers. Don’t try to power through them; plan for them. 

• Have an exit strategy.

If you go to a gathering, tell the host beforehand that you may need to duck out early. Plan your escape route so you don’t have to feel trapped if you suddenly feel overwhelmed. 

• Create a safe space. 

If you’re hosting, set aside a quiet room where you can retreat when you need a few minutes alone to cry, breathe or just be still.  

• Talk about your loved one, if you want to. 

The fear of upsetting someone often makes people avoid talking about the person who is gone. However, silencing the memory can feel like a secondary loss. 

• Start a new tradition to honor them. 

You may find healing in incorporating a small, meaningful ritual. You could light a special candle in their memory, share a favorite memory before dinner, hang a personalized ornament or donate to a charity they were passionate about. 

• Involve family and friends.  

If you’re comfortable, you can suggest a time for everyone to share a favorite funny story or cherished memory of your loved one. Laughter and tears can coexist, and both are part of healing. 

• Prioritize basic self-care. 

Grief can mess with your ability to eat, sleep and take care of your body, all of which are essential for managing mental health. 

• Practice mindful eating. 

Focus on eating regular, nutritious meals. While a cookie here or there is fine, relying on sugar and alcohol can make your emotional roller coaster even worse. 

• Rest is nonnegotiable.  

Grief is exhausting. Give yourself permission to take naps and go to bed early. Your body is working hard to process your loss. 

• Lean on your support system. 

Don’t try to carry this burden alone. Isolation is one of the hardest parts of grief and the holidays. 

• Reach out to friends. 

Connect with the people who are empathetic and supportive. Tell them clearly what you need: a shoulder to cry on, someone to watch a movie with or just a distraction for a few hours. 

• Seek professional support. 

Now is a perfect time to lean on a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can provide specialized tools to help you cope with the complexity of your emotions during a time when your feelings are heightened. 

• Look for moments of simple joy. 

You may feel guilty if you laugh or feel a moment of peace. Please know that joy and grief during the holidays can absolutely coexist. Experiencing a moment of happiness doesn’t mean you loved your person any less. It means your heart is starting to heal, and your loved one would want that for you. Allow yourself to feel a glimmer of hope and joy when it appears. 

The holidays amplify so much: joy, gratitude, connection, but also absence, memories and longing. When grief and the holidays meet, you don’t have to pretend you’re OK. You can walk through it with tenderness, permission to adjust and ways to protect your heart. 

Find light in the holidays with Lightfully’s support

At Lightfully, we believe in whole-person-centered care. We know grief affects your mind, your body, your relationships and your sense of tomorrow. We offer personalized treatment across multiple levels of care. We aim to empower you to safeguard your mental health, find solace during hard times, and move forward with intention, connection and hope. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.