What are some positive ways to work through my anger?

When you’re feeling calm, take some time to reflect on some times when you’ve felt angry recently. Ask yourself what triggered your anger, why it made you mad and what happened as a result. If there’s another underlying feeling like sadness or shame, recognize it and name it. When you understand your triggers and know what warning signs signal that you’re about to get angry, you can choose how you handle your anger and how you respond.

See if there are any changes you can make to avoid triggers whenever possible. Try talking through it with another person, either to get your feelings out or to plan how you’ll do things differently in the future. This might include setting boundaries, making compromises or changing your habits. Finally, make an anger management plan to use when you can’t avoid your triggers. Explore mindfulness techniques, distractions, and somatic or body-based practices to release pent-up feelings and see what helps.

10 coping skills for working through your anger

Anger can seem like a reflex, which makes it hard to manage in the moment. By reflecting on your anger and practicing mindfulness regularly, you can gain a bit more control over your anger. Deep breathing and meditation can help you develop a deep reserve of calm that you can tap into when you need it. In moments when your anger threatens to spill over, more physical activities like stomping or going for a walk may be more helpful.

Use the following coping strategies to process and manage your anger:

1. Notice your triggers and warning signs — What tends to set you off, and what are the first things you notice when that happens? You might notice a change in your breathing, tension in your body or racing thoughts. It might help to track your anger for a few weeks or review your list often.
2. Make changes to avoid triggers and harmful behavior — Are there certain situations or people that bring out your anger often? See if you can make changes, set boundaries or create new habits to avoid these patterns. You may need to talk through some solutions with the other people involved, like avoiding certain topics when you’re stressed out after work or setting aside time to have important conversations in advance.
3. Recognize negative thought patterns — Anger is an intense emotion, so oftentimes it’s rooted in irrational thoughts. Consider whether your anger has you caught in cognitive distortions like thinking in absolutes (“always” or “never”), jumping to conclusions, or ignoring the positive.
4. Get some fresh air — A change of scenery and some physical movement can go a long way to help you work through your anger instead of blowing up. Leave the room and go for a walk. Spend a few minutes getting grounded and breathing deeply, and then focus on the facts so you can choose how to respond. Ask yourself what’s true and what you want out of the situation. 
5. Talk about it — Sometimes airing things out with a friend can help put things into perspective. Talk with someone who offers an objective, unbiased opinion. Then, if someone else is involved, set a time to talk about what you need to handle things better next time. Let them know what you’re doing to work on your anger and how they can help.
6. Do some breathing exercises — Square breathing or box breathing can help you make it through those moments when you notice your anger coming on. It’s discreet enough that you can use it in almost any situation, though it will work best if you practice it regularly. Count to four as you breathe in, hold your breath for four counts, breathe out for four counts and then wait for four counts before breathing in again.
7. Practice progressive muscle relaxation — In this exercise, you focus on one muscle group at a time, starting with your feet. Tense them up, relax them, and then move up to your calf muscles. You can sync your breathing with your movements, too. Work your way up to your head and back down.
8. Exercise regularly — Exercise is helpful both in the moment when you’re feeling angry and at other times when you want to work through lingering emotions. Try doing pushups or going for a quick run to get some negative energy out of your system.
9. Stomp or shake it out — Stomping is a quick and effective way to take the edge off your anger, and shaking can help with tension. Try alternating 10 seconds of breathing with 10 seconds of stomping or shaking to calm down quickly.
10. Do something else — There may not be anything you can do to change a situation that makes you angry. When this happens, find a distraction like cleaning, doing yard work, baking or watching a movie.

Get help with managing your anger at Lightfully

Approaching your anger and other feelings attached to it is hard to do alone. We can support you in working through your anger and getting to more vulnerable emotions underneath it. Many people who deal with anger also have anxiety, depression or a history of trauma. At Lightfully, you’ll work with an individual therapist and attend group sessions with others who are working on their mental health, too.

We take a holistic and person-first approach to help people work through tough emotions while creating a foundation of positive mental health habits. We use our Precision Care Model (PCM) to create personalized treatment plans that meet each of our clients where they are right now and help them reach specific treatment goals. 

If you’re between 18 and 25 years old, check out Lightfully U. It’s a virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (vIOP) for college-aged young adults that’s flexible to fit your busy schedule.

Have questions about treatment? Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. Let’s talk about what’s driving your anger and what you can do to manage it.