“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You’ve probably heard the Serenity Prayer before. While it comes from a religious context, it’s so well known because it breaks down complex life challenges into the simplest terms. How do you know when it’s worth your while to keep pushing — and when it’s not worth it? For many students, the college experience comes with new types of pressure and high expectations. Learning to manage stress becomes critically important not only for your academic performance, but also for your well-being and mental health.

Emotion-focused coping is a skill set you can use to manage stress, fear, sadness, anger and other negative emotions in situations where there isn’t an immediate solution. For example, you have to get through your first weeks on campus while you’re still getting used to college life and possibly feeling a little homesick. You have to prepare for finals week, take exams and write papers to the best of your ability, even if you’re a bit anxious about your grades or overwhelmed. These situations are what they are, but you can find ways to make it easier on yourself and feel better. That’s the goal of emotion-focused coping. 

It takes some reflection, preparation and practice to develop these skills. The first step is identifying your emotions and recognizing when it’s time to look for alternative solutions. It’s worth noting that there are less healthy forms of emotion-focused coping. Substance use, denial, blame shifting and emotional suppression fall into this category. Identifying situations that call for emotion-focused coping is important because you have the power to choose healthier approaches.

Try out these emotion-focused coping strategies to manage stressful situations and negative feelings in your life:

• Mindfulness and relaxation techniques — Mindfulness is the practice of becoming fully aware of yourself and accepting your reality without judgment. It involves meditation and other activities that help you become one with your body, your emotions and your thoughts. Cultivating mindfulness allows you to live more intentionally and make decisions you feel good about. When you’re facing difficult emotions, mindfulness can help you feel more grounded and find balance.
• Spiritual practices — Spiritual practices like prayer can provide comfort in situations that seem too big or too difficult to handle. Connecting with a higher power can help you feel like you’re doing something positive when you don’t have other options.
• Reflection — Taking some quiet time to reflect can help you gain perspective or see the bigger picture. You can do this anywhere, but it might help to write down your thoughts in a journal, go for a walk, or do something mindless like taking a long shower.
• Positive reframing — Sometimes this comes naturally in the process of reflection. If you’re stressed or upset about something, try to think about what you’d say to a friend who was in the same situation. Or try to think of how you’ll feel about it 10 years from now. Reframing it in a positive way might help you find some relief.
• Distraction — Fixating on your worries and negative thoughts is only productive to a certain point. When you’ve exhausted your solutions, some distraction might help you get your mind off it. Do something physical or creative, or invite a friend to hang out with you.
• Walking the middle path — When you’re overcome with worry, your instinct might be to do something extreme or reckless. Maybe other people are telling you to forget about it or let it go. Instead of going with a gut instinct that could make things even worse, try to find a compromise. What can you do that’s still satisfying and a bit more responsible?
• Balancing emotional and rational thinking — Sometimes your emotions will tell you one thing while your rational side is saying something else. When you can balance the two, you access your “wise mind.” What do you notice when you take both sides into account?
• Self-compassion — Often our inner turmoil comes from self-judgment. It might come in the form of guilt or regret. These moments are opportunities to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you were doing your best with what you knew at the time. Allow yourself to be imperfect because you’re human.
• Acceptance and forgiveness — If something keeps bothering you long after the fact, there may be something you’re not accepting. Maybe it’s a choice another person made or something you did yourself. These are the times when “accepting the things you cannot change” will help you move past your mental blocks.
• Seeking support — Having a friend to keep you company or listen to you when you’re upset can make a big difference. We all need moral support from time to time. If your thoughts and feelings are too much to deal with, or if they’re affecting other areas of your life, you should consider talking with a licensed clinical therapist or seeking higher levels of mental health treatment.

Some problems can be solved with some creativity and a little effort. Others may take a long time, and it’s not always clear when and how your work will pay off. When you realize that there’s nothing you can do to improve a situation, it’s easy to feel defeated or frustrated. In these cases, you can use emotion-focused coping to tend to your feelings. 

There are no hard-and-fast rules for emotion-focused coping that apply to everyone. It may take some time and some experimentation to figure out what works for you. Try keeping track of what you’ve tried, and reflect on how it made you feel. Emotion regulation is something we’re constantly working on with our clients at Lightfully.

Are you having trouble managing emotions that are too big to handle by yourself? Let’s talk. Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team for an assessment.