Relationships are a cornerstone of our lives because our connections with other people help to shape who we are. There are many relationships that you’ll likely navigate throughout your life, including relationships with romantic partners, friends, family and co-workers.

Having quality relationships should enrich your life by providing you with people who support you during hard times and help you make memories that will last a lifetime. But not all relationships are healthy.

A toxic relationship can impact your mental health by harming your self-esteem, exhausting your emotional battery and changing how you behave with people outside of the relationship. It can also turn dangerous in some cases, such as abuse.

While toxicity can form in any relationship, it’s most often discussed in reference to romantic relationships. Approximately 47.3% of women and 44.2% of men report experiencing sexual or physical violence or stalking from an intimate partner.

It’s not always easy to recognize if you’re experiencing toxic patterns in your relationship that are impacting your mental health. Here are three to be aware of and how you can respond to them.

• Constant criticism

We tend to be our own worst critic. However, when someone close to you points out negative things about you on a regular basis, it can feel more hurtful because it’s coming from someone whose opinion you value. Constant criticism from your partner can impact your self-esteem and self-worth, weakening your motivation to achieve your goals or be proud of who you are.

If you’re constantly being criticized by a person you’re in a relationship with, it can sometimes be their way to make you believe you won’t find someone else so you have to depend on them emotionally. This can also be a way to convey jealousy.

If your partner is hypercritical of you, it’s a toxic behavioral pattern that says more about them than you.

How to respond: Point out how hurtful their words are and that their unwarranted opinion isn’t appreciated. Use “I” statements to describe how their criticism makes you feel.

• Manipulation

The thing about manipulation is that the person doing it is being subtle and deceptive about their intent, making it difficult to recognize. However, manipulation is a toxic behavior that gives the person control over you by making you feel in the wrong, even when you’re not. This can damage your self-image and cause self-doubt.

Common manipulation tactics are:

• Gaslighting — The person will say things to make you doubt yourself and the validity of your emotions or memories. 

Example: “You’re making that up to start unnecessary drama.”

• Playing the victim — The person will turn the tables to seem like they’re the ones being harmed to make you feel guilty.

Example: “When you make these accusations, I realize how unhappy you make me.”

• Silent treatment — The person will shut down and not respond in an attempt to make you “beg” for their forgiveness so that you can move on from the issue without a proper solution.

Example: They won’t answer your calls or text messages.

By taking note of how they respond in times of disagreements, you can see what their true intentions are.

How to respond: When you recognize manipulation being used, try to stay calm as you point out their behaviors that you won’t tolerate.

• Emotional neglect

When you have a relationship with someone, it’s important that you both practice honesty, openness and active listening. If you don’t feel heard or supported, it can be nearly impossible to foster a genuine connection. The person may be neglecting you emotionally by making you feel invalidated or like they’re apathetic toward your emotions.

Examples of emotional neglect include:

• Lacking empathy
• Brushing off concerns without validation
• Not making time to discuss your feelings

If you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner, or like your feelings aren’t being taken into consideration, you may be experiencing emotional neglect.

How to respond: State your needs and concerns using “I” statements. If they continue to invalidate your feelings, disengaging can help to protect your mental health by stopping further distress.

Couples therapy or family therapy may help to address these issues. In most cases, breaking up or cutting off a toxic relationship partner is necessary if the patterns are persistent or worsening. If that’s not a safe option or if you don’t have a place to go, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).

If you’re trying to work through issues that come from toxic relationship patterns, intensive care such as a Virtual Partial Hospitalization Program (vPHP) may be beneficial to help you process your emotions and work through the resulting challenges, such as feelings of depression, anxiety or grief for the relationship. 

At Lightfully, our vPHP provides you with a balance of therapy, psychiatry and programming that you can complete at home. The structured support can help you work through your negative thought patterns that developed from the relationship and learn how to cultivate healthier connections.

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.