We’ve all been through times in our lives when we feel lonely. But loneliness doesn’t mean being alone. Loneliness means feeling emotionally isolated or misaligned from people, even when surrounded by others. This is a common feeling for people whose children have moved out of the house to start their own journeys.

When you’re an “empty nester,” you may still have a significant other or extended family members at home. Maybe you’re in the same room as your co-workers every day or see your friends on a weekly basis. But you may still be experiencing loneliness because your children are gone, and that’s OK.

Navigating loneliness isn’t easy, especially when that loneliness comes from being away from your children, who have likely been an integral part of your daily life. If you’re no longer able to say good night to them in person or ask them what snacks they want from the grocery store, you may feel sad or empty. You may also experience feelings of grief and/or depression. 

The good news is there are strategies that can be effective for empty nesters to manage their loneliness and improve their overall mental health.

Here are four supportive strategies to test out as an empty nester:

• Be kind to yourself.

Your feelings are real and valid. If you’re an empty nester, allow yourself to acknowledge your loneliness and know that it’s OK. By being aware of your low feelings (and even embracing them), you can take out any shame or guilt you may feel about wanting things back to the way they were. Having these feelings shows your genuine care and love for your family.

Being kind to yourself means not being judgmental when you have a negative thought related to being an empty nester. 

• Recognize the positivity that comes from those around you.

Experiencing loneliness doesn’t mean that you’re never around people. But it does mean that you might have trouble feeling connected to them. When you’re an empty nester, the relationships with the people you see on a regular basis, such as friends and extended family, are now pushed to the forefront because you no longer have your children’s everyday needs to deal with.

When your children leave the house, you’re given the opportunity to shift your perspective and focus on the positivity that other people bring to your life. Try to be fully engaged in the conversation during dinner with friends, or get coffee with a neighbor. Allow yourself to find value in relationships beyond just the ones with your children.

• Regularly keep in touch with those who have flown the coop.

Even though every dynamic is different, a child leaving your house doesn’t mean that they’re leaving you too. They may not physically be there, but there’s still an unbreakable bond between you. While you want to encourage their independence and support their personal endeavors, there are still ways to keep in touch with them to feel involved in the next chapter of their life.

There’s a balance between regular contact with your children and being perceived as overbearing. You can send them a good morning text, ask for a weekly catch-up call, or schedule a regular get-together (depending on scheduling and distance).

Be sure that you establish boundaries (e.g. not reaching out during certain busy times) to reduce the risk of distress or frustration on either side.

• Prioritize what makes you happy.

No matter what age they are, having your children live in your home takes away from the time and energy you would otherwise spend on yourself. When they leave, you likely have the emotional and physical capacity to do more of what you love. This is when self-care can become more of a priority. By doing things that help you relax and bring enjoyment, you’re also protecting and supporting your mental health for an improved quality of life.

Consider the following activities:

• Starting a new hobby
• Attending a book club
• Booking a spa day
• Traveling alone or with friends/significant others

If your feelings of loneliness continue for weeks or months after your child has left home, you may be experiencing symptoms of depression or prolonged grief disorder that are impacting your everyday functioning and relationships. While outpatient therapy can be helpful, if you experience more severe symptoms, such as overwhelming sorrow or numbness, you may benefit from more intensive care, such as a Virtual Partial Hospitalization Program (vPHP).

At Lightfully, our vPHP provides you with a balance of therapy, psychiatry and programming that you can complete at home. The structured support can help you work through your loneliness, gain coping skills and work toward a fulfilling future.

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.