Being a parent is usually associated with being understanding and supportive of one’s children. Even though every child deserves to have that kind of parent, many parents also have narcissistic tendencies. Let’s start off by saying that people are complicated — parents with narcissistic traits can still provide loving environments for their families. However, the unfortunate truth is that many children are raised by parents who aren’t able to give them the care they need due to their own narcissistic traits. This dynamic often includes emotional abuse. 

A few typical characteristics of narcissistic parents include:

• Lack of empathy or compassion for their children’s feelings
• Prioritizing their own needs over their family’s
• Fear of losing control, leading to being manipulative and hypercritical 
• Difficulty accepting blame or refusing to apologize

A parent may fit the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder if they have persistent patterns of these characteristics due to their own heightened sense of self-importance. 

Children of narcissistic parents may experience a variety of negative mental, emotional and behavioral patterns in response. They may experience low self-esteem, unhealthy attachment styles and trust issues. They may also have an overwhelming need to please others. 

Having a narcissistic parent can also contribute to symptoms of mental health conditions. This can be a contributing factor to experiencing generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. It’s also possible that emotional abuse can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder.

Coping strategies are essential for anyone experiencing mental health challenges or conditions. The following five strategies can help you manage and overcome negative thoughts and emotions triggered by situations or people — including a narcissistic parent: 

• Set boundaries — Setting up a boundary with your parent establishes limits that protect your mental and emotional health. These limits can also foster healthier connections with your parent by encouraging them to adjust how they treat you. For many children, especially those who may not live at home, limiting contact with their parents is a common boundary, preventing negative behaviors from interfering with their everyday life. 
• Focus on your own self-image — Having a narcissistic parent often makes you have self-doubt and low self-esteem due to their criticism. This can make it difficult to establish a strong self-image. Trying to recognize your own self-worth and realizing that they are projecting their insecurities on you can help you establish a strong sense of self. By improving how you see yourself, there’s less of an impact from your parent’s words.
• Understand what you can control — You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you react to them. Although it can be challenging to reduce the negative thoughts and emotions that come from a parent’s narcissistic tendencies, you can try to adjust the impact of those negativities. Try to remember that you can’t control them; their behavior stems from their own mental health struggles. That mindset can help reduce the effect of their behavior. You’ll recognize that it’s not something you’re doing wrong.
• Find support in others — A narcissistic parent is not likely to be a reliable source of support during hard times, so it’s important to form your own support system. Turn to friends, colleagues and even extended family members. When you’re able to find people you can trust to actively listen to your feelings and experiences, it can alleviate a significant amount of mental distress. You can see that there are people in your corner who want to help you become the best version of yourself.
• Seek therapy — Having a narcissistic parent can cause a complicated tangle of negative feelings and experiences with them that also affect your perceptions of yourself as well as your relationships with others. The best way to sort through that tangle is with the help of a licensed therapist. They can help you sort through your feelings about your parent and understand the role that their narcissism has had on you. A therapist can also help you fight against the negativity through coping mechanisms.

Learning how to cope with a narcissistic parent is one aspect of a person’s mental health journey. You might need additional treatment to address symptoms of depression, anxiety or PTSD that stem from your parent’s behavioral patterns. Lightfully can help you work through your challenges through compassionate, evidence-based mental health treatment.

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.