Mental health isn’t about feeling good all the time or always having a positive outlook. It’s more about authenticity, grounding, balance and living according to your values. Avoiding feelings that are negative or uncomfortable actually has its own downsides: It can make you less resilient, lead to a shallow existence and even affect your relationships with others. This is sometimes called “toxic positivity.”
In this article, we’ll dig deeper into what toxic positivity is and talk about some of the risks you take when you insist on “good vibes only.”
What is toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity is a form of black-and-white thinking that attaches shame and judgment to emotions that seem unpleasant. It might sound like, “What do you have to complain about? You’re still alive, aren’t you?” Or endlessly telling someone to “look on the bright side.” It’s a sort of denial or invalidation of one’s own lived experience. A more balanced and compassionate approach would be to think of your emotions as messages from your innermost self that are neutral: not good or bad. This way, you can focus on hearing them, giving them room to breathe and then taking steps to find regulation.
5 hidden risks of always staying positive
You might think that feeling your negative emotions is a way of torturing yourself, or that it might make those emotions more intense and long lasting. It’s definitely possible to ruminate or get bogged down in a self-pitying mindset. However, resisting your negative emotions by strictly staying positive will only give those emotions more power to come back and keep bothering you.
In the end, processing your emotions or moving through them usually brings more relief than trying to resist them. Sometimes, allowing yourself to feel is the only way to figure out your next steps toward positive change.
The following are five hidden risks of always staying positive:
Leaving problems and negative feelings unresolved
Emotions play an important role in identifying problems and changes that need to be made. Choosing to have an optimistic outlook is one thing. However, if you regularly ignore feelings like doubt, pain, anger or sadness, you may be allowing people and situations into your life that cause more strife. In the long run, this can impair your decision-making abilities.
Focusing on appearances rather than truth
Has your need for the outward appearance of being calm or having it together become more important than your need for true grounding and connection? If so, you may not have a very deep connection to your values or character. You may also be holding a lot of pain inside. It’s called “bottling up” your emotions because they don’t really go anywhere — the pressure builds until they come bursting out.
Loss of emotional intelligence and self-awareness
Getting familiar with your negative feelings helps you stay in touch with who you are, what you need and how you relate to other people. It builds up your tolerance for distress, which is a key skill for emotional resilience. Emotional intelligence and personal growth aren’t things we develop without some reflection and work. We need this sort of practice so that we’re prepared to deal with setbacks.
Alienating people who are struggling
Going a step further, experiencing negative emotions allows you to empathize with other people who are having a hard time. Toxic positivity has a way of shutting down meaningful conversations that help people lift the weight of their emotions off their shoulders. If a friend or loved one comes to you with a problem and you shut them down, that can hurt them even more and damage your relationship.
Worsening mental and physical health
Bottling up negative emotions and leaving them unresolved can lead to poor mental and physical health. Anxiety and depression are just the beginning. Feelings such as resentment and guilt can come back stronger than before. You may also experience chronic stress and increase your chances of conditions like heart disease, diabetes and autoimmune conditions.
On learning how to sit with discomfort and negative emotions
Constantly forcing positivity can actually worsen mental health by preventing us from processing the very emotions that signal when something needs our attention. It takes courage to get vulnerable and approach negative feelings with curiosity. It doesn’t feel good at first. However, as you start to practice acceptance and self-compassion, the big, bad feelings don’t seem as threatening anymore. You’ll see that they serve important purposes. The ultimate form of resilience is learning to self-validate and self-regulate.
At Lightfully, learning to manage emotions is a core part of our whole-person-focused treatment process, no matter what you’re seeking treatment for. Emotions are one of four life processes our clients work on, along with thoughts, behaviors and relationships.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and ready to try a new approach? We’re here to help. Contact us today.
