Starting college can be a wild ride. One minute, you’re in your childhood bedroom, and the next, you’re navigating a campus map, trying to find your first-thing-in-the-morning class. It’s a time of mass change, and whether you’re living on campus or at home, a short drive away or across the country, a big part of that change is finding your independence. For international students, the journey can feel even more significant, with thousands of miles separating them from home. 

For people, this newfound freedom can feel like a dream. Late-night study sessions that turn into pizza parties, making new friends from different backgrounds and the thrill of making your own decisions. These are all part of the college experience. But what about the people who helped you get here? Your family. It can feel like a balancing act, trying to spread your wings while keeping those important connections strong. The good news is, independence isn’t an all-or-nothing deal. You can be a self-sufficient adult while still being a loving part of your family. It’s about building a new kind of relationship, one that works for everyone. 

Tips to maintain and grow your independence in college

Here are some tips to help you navigate this new chapter and grow your independence while staying close to the people you love: 

1. Schedule regular check-ins and set clear boundaries.

This may sound a little formal, but scheduling calls or video chats can help take some of the pressure off. Instead of random, panicked calls from your parents asking where you are, you can set a time that works for everyone. Maybe it’s a Sunday night call or a quick text chain every other day. This gives you both something to look forward to and shows you care.

At the same time, it’s essential to set boundaries. If you have a big exam coming up, let them know you may not be readily available. It’s OK to say, “Hey, I love you guys, but I really need to focus on studying this week. Let’s catch up after my exam is over.” This teaches them to respect your new life and gives you the space you need. 

2. Handle your own responsibilities and finances.

A part of being an adult is taking charge. That means handling your own laundry, cooking some of your meals, even if it’s just Easy Mac, and managing your schoolwork. A recent study showed that 72% of college students receive some form of financial support from their parents. While that’s totally natural and often necessary, taking ownership of your budget is a huge step toward independence. 

Learn to track your own spending, pay your own bills if possible, and understand the difference between your wants and needs. It shows your family you’re capable and shows big progress toward maturity. It also gives you more confidence in your own abilities.

3. Learn to solve problems on your own.

Remember those times you’d call or text your parents for every little problem? Your phone charger broke, you couldn’t figure out how to work the washing machine or you got a flat tire. Now is the time to try to solve those problems yourself first. Can you look up a video on how to change a tire? Can you talk to a repair person?

Of course, your family is still your safety net, but challenging yourself to find solutions first will help build your confidence and show them you’ve got this. This doesn’t mean you can never ask for help, just that you’re now capable of trying to figure out things on your own. It’s about a shift in roles. You’re becoming the adult they’ve been preparing you to be. 

4. Share your wins and your struggles.

Don’t just talk to your family about the good stuff. Share your struggles or troubles, too. Tell them about the class you’re finding tougher than expected, the friendship that’s stressing you out or the big presentation you’re nervous about. This keeps them involved in your life in a meaningful way. 

It also opens the door for them to share their own experiences and advice. Yes, even those of us born in the 20th century still can share valuable advice! This is where the parent-child relationship can shift to more of a friend-to-friend or mentor-to-mentee dynamic. A majority of parents with adult children say they have a closer relationship with them now than they did when the children were younger. This deepens the bond and reminds everyone that you’re still a team, just a different kind of one. 

5. Create new family traditions and embrace the distance.

Just because you’re not physically together every single day doesn’t mean you can’t have traditions. Maybe you have a weekly video call where you all watch the same TV show. Or maybe you send each other funny memes throughout the day. You can also send them pictures of your new friends or a video of your dorm room. 

Embrace the distance as an opportunity to get creative. Sending a care package with your favorite snacks or a letter just because you’re thinking of them can mean the world. It’s a way of saying, “Even though I’m building my own life, you’re still a huge part of it.”

Remember, it’s OK to miss home

It’s completely natural to feel homesick from time to time, even if you’re having the time of your life. The two feelings aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s OK to have moments where you miss your old routine, your family dinners or even the dog. Missing home just means you have a great one to miss. It’s a sign that you have strong connections, and that’s a truly beautiful thing. 

At Lightfully, we want to remind you that true strength isn’t just about handling everything on your own; it’s about knowing when to ask for help. We believe in whole-person-centered care that meets you where you are. It’s about having the right support as you grow into the best version of yourself. If you need mental health support beyond outpatient therapy, Lightfully can help.

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.