What is FOMO, and why does it hit teens so hard

Fear of missing out (FOMO) refers to a combination of social anxiety and comparison with others. For adolescents, their feelings of anxiety might arise from the realization that they might be missing out on a rewarding experience that others are having. 

Over the years, FOMO has almost blown up into something entirely different because of the invention of social media. Now, your teen can know and see what their friends are doing, and where. 

Social media can make teens feel like they must stay alert and “plugged in.” This may include intense feelings of dread, constant anxiety, or feeling like they’ve been excluded or lost an opportunity. 

For teenagers, their sense of self and sense of belonging are currently developing. FOMO in teens stems from a fear of missing out on something (e.g., an inside joke or a secret being revealed) that they think could lower their social standing or harm their friendships. 

Teens are wired to seek peer connection and approval from those around them. Social media has made FOMO worse over the years because with social media, anyone can craft the “perfect” life or story to make someone else jealous. 

Let’s take a look at a fictional example: Leo just moved to a new town, about two hours away from his old home. His dad got a promotion, which required his family to say goodbye to the place they’ve always been. Leo started at a new school about a week ago, but is upset that he hasn’t made a new best friend yet. He misses his friends from home and wishes he could just be back with them. 

Leo decides to message his friends and see if they’ve posted anything on social media recently. He clicks on his best friend’s new post and sees that all of his friends are having a party, without him. Leo looks around at his new room, covered in boxes, and tells himself he’s a loser for sitting in bed all alone on a Friday night. 

Without knowing the full story, Leo convinces himself that his old friends don’t even miss him because it seems like they’re having fun without him. He stays awake all night believing his old friends don’t miss him and agonizing because he can’t even make any friends at his new school.

While Leo’s story is fictional, it might reflect something your teen is feeling right now. If your teen is dealing with FOMO, knowing what to look for can help you show up with understanding and support. Let’s take a look at a few common signs of FOMO, five gentle ways to talk with your teen about FOMO and five grounding tools that can help them stay connected to and grounded in the present. 

Signs your teen might be struggling with FOMO

• Constantly checking social media or refreshing their feed. 
• Feeling left out when they see others hanging out without them. 
• Comparing themselves to others online or in real life. 
• Saying “yes” to everything, even when burned out. 
• Seeming anxious or distracted after scrolling online. 
• Worrying about missing updates 

5 ways to talk about FOMO without minimizing it

• Validate what your teen is feeling 

When your teen shares that they feel left out or anxious about missing something, resist the urge to immediately problem-solve. Instead, you might say something like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see why that would make you feel upset.” Letting them know their emotions are valid, even if you don’t fully understand them, can help them feel seen and supported.

• Ask gentle questions instead of giving lectures 

Rather than diving into a lecture or giving advice right away, try asking open-ended, nonjudgmental questions that invite your teen to share more. You could say, “What do you think would help in that situation?” or “How did that make you feel?” These types of questions signal that you’re curious and care about their experience, not just eager to fix it.

• Model mindfulness and being present

You can model mindfulness by intentionally slowing down during busy moments and naming what you’re doing: “I’m feeling a little stressed, so I’m going to step outside for a few deep breaths.” Invite your teen to join you in simple grounding exercises like a short walk, a mindful snack, or a no-phone dinner. Showing them that it’s OK to pause and reset helps normalize self-care and emotional awareness.

• Share your own experiences with FOMO 

Sharing your own experiences with FOMO can help your teen feel less alone in theirs. You might say something like, “I remember seeing photos from a party I wasn’t invited to, and it really stung – I kept wondering what I missed.” Keep it honest but age-appropriate, and focus on how you worked through those feelings so they can learn from your example.

• Remind them that it’s OK to miss out sometimes 

Help your teen reframe missing out as a chance to rest or enjoy something meaningful in the moment. You might say, “It’s OK to not be part of everything. Sometimes the quiet nights turn out to be the most restorative.” Reinforce the idea that their worth isn’t measured by how often they’re included, but by how they care for themselves.

5 tools to help teens stay grounded

• Encourage digital breaks 

 Practicing mindful screen time with your teen can encourage them to see what’s missing in interaction on social media and focus on what’s happening around them. 

• Support regular journaling, gratitude lists, or breathwork 

There are numerous health benefits to practicing mindfulness techniques like these. Journaling and breathwork can help your teen manage their stress and emotions, as well as certain symptoms of anxiety and depression. 

• Help them define what they care about 

By helping your teen find a genuine interest or passion, you can help them realize what’s important to them, not just what’s trending. 

• Remind them that FOMO is normal 

Gently remind your teen that feeling the need to stay constantly connected, both online and in-person, is a normal part of being a teen, but it doesn’t have to control their life. 

• Recommend group therapy 

In a group setting, your teen might feel more comfortable and less alone. Group treatment programs can help your teen explore their identity and values. 

With support from their caregiver(s), teens can learn to stay rooted in who they are, even when life feels overwhelming. If your teen is struggling with fear of missing out, they might benefit from additional support from an expert clinical treatment provider, like Lightfully.  

Change is possible. When you and your teen are ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together to help your teen toward the fullest, brightest version of themselves.