When strong emotions catch you by surprise, it can be hard to think clearly and respond in a way that’s aligned with the person you want to be. Our emotions serve important functions, such as warning us about potential dangers and bringing us closer together with other people. They can also cause a lot of distress. Listening to your emotions while keeping them from ruling your life is a delicate balance, but it can be done. It takes lots of practice to build your self-awareness and find techniques that help you maintain your mental health. 

Emotional arousal can vary widely, but it can often only take about 90 seconds for the chemical processes of an emotional response to pass. We may hold on to it for much longer by fighting our feelings or leaning into the distress. However, if you can “ride the wave” and make it through those 90 seconds, you may find that the weight lifts pretty quickly.

In this article, we’ll share eight self-soothing techniques that can help you “ride the wave” and manage emotional distress.

8 self-soothing techniques to help you manage emotional distress 

At work and in many social situations, we’re expected to “put our emotions aside,” focus on the facts and keep our composure. However, this doesn’t make our emotions any less real or powerful. It’s also an oversimplification. When someone appears to be really good at staying calm in the face of stressful situations, there’s usually more going on below the surface level. They may spend time on proactive activities like mindfulness practices to help build up their resilience. In the moment, they might be using a technique that you can’t see. Some of these techniques rely on physical relaxation cues and mental distractions, making them discreet enough to use in almost any situation.

Try practicing these self-soothing techniques to help you manage emotional distress:

• Deep breathing exercises 

Breathing exercises are a quick and effective way to calm your nervous system, and you can do them virtually anywhere. Methods like box breathing use counting as a way to slow down and deepen your breathing. To practice box breathing, count to four as you inhale, hold your breath for four counts, then count to four as you exhale, and count to four again as you hold your breath and wait to start over. 

• Progressive muscle relaxation 

In progressive muscle relaxation, you squeeze or clench one body part at a time and then let the tension go, moving from your feet up to your head. This triggers a deep release of built-up tension, allowing you to relax more quickly. Start with your feet and squeeze them a couple of times; then do your calf muscles, your thighs and your buttocks. Keep going until you’ve done your whole body. Then finish by doing a full-body tense and release.

• Grounding techniques 

When emotions are running high and your thoughts are racing, getting back into your body can help you calm down. There are many techniques you can use to ground yourself in the present moment. Try using the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method: Notice five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Another simple technique is focusing on the feeling of the surface beneath you, whether you’re standing on the ground or sitting in a chair. 

• Mindful movement 

Movement can be a great way to get grounded in your body, calm down and refocus. Going for a quick walk, doing some gentle stretching or moving through a yoga sequence can do the trick. Whatever method you choose, be sure to focus on the physical sensations and try to let go of your emotions, letting them move through you.

• Temperature regulation 

Temperature is another way to tap into your nervous system and calm down fast. Taking a warm bath or putting a heating pad on your back can be very soothing. Splashing cold water on your face or applying an ice pack to your cheeks and forehead can ease feelings of panic and anxiety. It activates your “dive response,” constricting blood vessels in your extremities, slowing your heart rate, and telling your lungs to take deeper, slower breaths.

• Soothing imagery 

Looking at photos of serene places or visualizing a space where you feel safe can help you find your calm. You might save some photos from your favorite vacation to your phone. Or spend some time visualizing your safe space in detail so you can go there mentally when you need to. Use your five senses to imagine what you would see, hear, feel, smell and taste.

• Comforting touch 

Comforting touch provides similar benefits to other self-soothing techniques by making you feel held and connected. Practice self-holding by giving yourself a hug: Cross your arms over your chest and rest your hands on your shoulders. Or place one hand on your chest and one on the back of your neck or your stomach. You might also rub the back of your neck and shoulders or lie under a weighted blanket.

• Calming sounds 

Calming sounds can help you feel transported to an atmosphere that’s calm and relaxing. Use YouTube or a music streaming app to find nature sounds, instrumental music or white noise. Don’t forget to carry your earbuds with you!

Create your personalized plan for self-soothing

It takes both compassion and discipline to manage your emotions effectively, but these skills can be learned. Self-soothing techniques work by activating your body’s natural relaxation responses, helping you move from emotional overwhelm to a place of calm stability. Practicing them when you’re feeling relaxed will help prepare you to use your skills when you’re feeling distressed.

Emotions are one of four core processes that form the foundation of your mental wellness, along with your thoughts, behaviors and relationships. At Lightfully, our licensed clinicians help people master these four processes by developing self-awareness and finding skills and practices that work for them.

If you’re ever feeling overwhelmed with your emotions and looking for care that goes beyond outpatient therapy, we can help. Contact us to ask about an assessment.