Self-esteem is the way we think about ourselves. It affects how we handle challenges, make decisions and build relationships. When our self-esteem is high, we’re more likely to feel confident, set boundaries and take care of our mental health. However, when it’s low, it can quietly impact our daily lives in ways we may not always recognize.
Low self-esteem is more than just having a bad day or feeling a little insecure sometimes. It can contribute to serious mental health concerns. Research has linked low self-esteem to increased rates of anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
Knowing the signs and learning how to build your self-worth can help lead to better mental health, more fulfilling relationships and a stronger sense of purpose.
8 sneaky signs of low self-esteem in adults
Low self-esteem doesn’t always look like sadness or insecurity. It can hide behind everyday habits or personality traits that seem harmless on the surface. Here are eight subtle signs that may signal you have low self-esteem:
Chronic people pleasing
You constantly put others’ needs before your own, saying yes to everything even when you’re tired or busy. You worry that if you don’t put others first, they won’t like you.
Difficulty accepting compliments
When someone says something nice about you, your immediate action is to brush it off or say, “Oh, it was no problem. “ You genuinely believe that you don’t deserve the praise.
Fear of failure
The fear of making a mistake is so overwhelming that it can stop you from trying new things or taking on challenges. You play it safe and would rather not try at all than risk failing.
Negative self-talk
The voice in your head is constantly critical. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up” or “No one really likes me” are harmful thoughts that may run through your head and go hand in hand with low self-esteem.
Perfectionism
You hold yourself to impossibly high standards, believing that if you’re not perfect, you’re a failure. This can come from a fear of being judged or not feeling good enough, just as you are.
Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
If you find it hard to say no or you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, it may be because you don’t feel that you’re worthy of respect or care.
Social withdrawal
Low self-esteem can have you avoiding social situations because fear grips you that you’ll say or do the wrong thing and you may be judged and ridiculed for it. You may also experience loneliness because of avoiding connections.
Feeling unworthy of love, fun or happiness
Low self-esteem can trick you into believing that you don’t deserve good things in life like rest, love or joy. This is a heavy burden that keeps you trapped in a negative cycle.
Everyone can experience self-doubt from time to time, but if these signs are showing up and lingering, they may be affecting your quality of life.
10 therapist-recommended ways to help boost your self-esteem
You can absolutely build a healthier, more positive view of yourself. It will take time and effort, but the work will be worth it. Here are ten practical steps that you can start taking today:
Practice self-compassion.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend. When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, treat yourself with kindness and say, “It’s OK, everyone makes mistakes.”
Challenge negative thoughts.
Don’t listen to the critical voice in your head. It doesn’t tell you the truth. When you hear it, stop and ask yourself if what it’s saying is really true. Then, try to find a more realistic, kinder way to think about the situation.
Indulge in self-care.
This isn’t just about a luxurious bubble bath. Self-care is about doing things that truly nourish you. Take a walk outside, listen to your favorite music or spend time on a hobby you love. This shows you that you’re worth taking care of.
Try journaling.
Write down things you like about yourself. This may feel strange at first, but it helps you focus on your strengths.
Set achievable goals.
Start small. Don’t try to completely overhaul your life in a day. Set a goal to go for a 15-minute walk or read a chapter of your current book. As you achieve these small goals, your confidence will flourish.
Focus on your strengths.
Bring in your journal again for this one. Think about what you’re good at and write it down. Are you a great listener? Are you a caring person? Are you organized? Remind yourself of your positive qualities and embrace them.
Build a supportive network.
A supportive network of friends and family can be a huge source of encouragement. Make sure you spend time with the people who make you feel good about yourself.
Celebrate accomplishments, big and small.
Did you finish a challenging project at work? Treat yourself to your favorite restaurant. Did you make your bed? That’s still a win! Acknowledge your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
Use positive affirmations.
Start your day by saying something kind to yourself. It may feel a little silly at first, but over time, it can change the way you think about yourself.
Seek professional support.
Sometimes, low self-esteem can be connected to past experiences or mental health conditions that are hard for you to work through on your own. A licensed clinical therapist can help you explore these feelings and create a plan to help you heal. There is no shame in seeking additional support. It’s a sign of strength and a commitment to your well-being.
Your path to a healthier mindset starts with Lightfully
At Lightfully, we believe that you’re more than just your struggles. Our approach is whole-person-centered care provided by deeply compassionate experts. This means we look at your mental, emotional and physical well-being to create personalized treatment plans tailored to your unique needs. As we work together, we’ll uncover the root causes of your struggles and build lasting, healthy coping skills.
Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.
