Navigating a relationship with a narcissistic parent can be challenging, especially when you’re away at college and trying to balance your independence with your family dynamics. An estimated 2% of the United States population has narcissistic personality disorder, with men more likely to experience this condition than women. 

A narcissistic parent is someone who shows excessive self-importance, a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. They often manipulate and control their children to meet their own needs. They can be a significant source of stress and emotional turmoil, especially during the transition to college. 

Signs of a narcissistic parent may include:

• Blaming others for their own behaviors
• Showing little concern for others’ needs or feelings
• Playing favorites
• Doing anything to be the best
• Being neglectful
• Limiting time with their children
• Becoming annoyed when they need to give attention
• Being codependent
• Embarrassing their children publicly
• Having poor boundaries and overstepping others’
• Being extremely jealous and possessive of others
• Gaslighting others
• Using guilt trips
• Being manipulative and exploitative

Individual experience with a narcissistic parent can vary; however, some adult children who were raised by narcissists may show certain traits, such as:

• Low self-esteem
• People-pleasing tendencies
• Difficulty setting boundaries
• Codependency behaviors
• Perfectionist tendencies
• Feelings of guilt and shame
• Difficulty trusting others
• Hypersensitivity

These traits aren’t a guarantee for adult children of narcissistic parents. Individual outcomes of growing up with a narcissistic parent can vary, depending on other supportive relationships and personal resilience. 

Understanding the characteristics of narcissism and the importance of setting boundaries can help you navigate these challenging relationships.

Importance of setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent

Setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent is essential for your mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries can help protect you from manipulation, abuse and negative emotions. By setting boundaries, you are asserting your right to have your own needs and feelings respected. Setting boundaries is important because it:

• Preserves your mental health — Boundaries help protect you from emotional manipulation and stress.
• Promotes independence — Setting boundaries encourages you to develop your own identity and make decisions based on your needs. 
• Reduces conflicts — Clear boundaries can help minimize arguments and power struggles with your narcissistic parent.
• Encourages self-care — Boundaries can help ensure that you have time and space for yourself. Self-care is essential for effectively managing the demands of college life. 

How to set boundaries with a narcissistic parent while in college

Setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent can be challenging, but it’s possible. Here are some strategies to try:

• Identify your limits — Determine what you need emotionally and interaction-wise. You may need to limit how often you call home or visit. 
• Communicate clearly and assertively — Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings. Say, “I feel hurt when you say things like that,” instead of saying, “You always make me feel bad.” This helps you express your needs without blaming or accusing. 
• Be consistent — Even if your parent tries to manipulate or gaslight you, stand firm on your boundaries. 
• Limit contact — It may be necessary to limit your contact with your narcissistic parent to help protect your mental well-being. 
• Seek support — Talk to a trusted friend, family member or therapist about your experiences. 
• Practice self-care — Take care of your overall health by engaging in self-care practices. This can include eating a balanced diet, getting exercise or doing activities you enjoy.
• Set realistic expectations — Understand that it may not be possible for you to change your parent’s behavior. They may also push against your boundaries. Focus on setting and maintaining your boundaries to help protect yourself. 
• Use positive reinforcement — When your parent respects your boundaries, acknowledge and appreciate it. This can encourage them to continue the positive behavior and reinforce your boundaries. 

How to maintain boundaries with a narcissistic parent while in college

Transitioning to college can be a stressful time, and dealing with a narcissistic parent can make it even more challenging. Here are eight tips for maintaining your boundaries while you’re in college:

• Focus on your own well-being — Prioritize your mental and emotional health. Take time to take care of yourself and do activities you enjoy. Establishing a routine can help you manage your time effectively.
• Build a support network — Surround yourself with supportive people who can provide you with encouragement and understanding. 
• Set realistic expectations — Focus on maintaining your boundaries. You may not be able to change their behavior, but you can change how it affects you.
• Seek professional help — If you’re struggling to cope with your relationship with your narcissistic parent, consider going to therapy. A therapist can provide you with support and guidance. 
• Develop a coping plan — Create a plan for how you can respond if your parent tries to violate your boundaries. 
• Review and adjust — Occasionally, take the time to assess how your boundaries are working and change things if necessary. Your needs may change, and it’s important to adjust your boundaries as needed. 
• Practice self-compassion — Be kind and understanding to yourself. You didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment, and it doesn’t define who you are. 
• Remember your worth — Regardless of your parent’s behavior, you are worthy of respect and love. 

You aren’t responsible for your parent’s behavior. Setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary step for you to help protect your own well-being. 

Healing and empowerment for a brighter future begins with Lightfully U

At Lightfully U, we understand the unique challenges college students can face when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Under the professional, expert guidance of your therapist, you can learn how to deal with your narcissistic parent. Their advice can help you navigate this complex relationship by learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Through therapy, you can receive tailored care to meet your needs and learn personalized strategies based on your individual circumstances. Therapy can help you begin to heal from the emotional toll the relationship with a narcissistic parent can bring. 

Our compassionate and expert care is designed to help you through whole-person-centered care using an integrated approach of components from evidence-based therapeutic approaches. Our unique clinical approach will help ensure that you receive truly personalized care to meet your unique needs. Our goal is to empower you to create a balanced, fulfilling college experience while fostering personal growth and resilience. You don’t have to face this journey alone. Lightfully U can help guide you toward a healthier, more empowered you. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.