Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions, and yet it’s still a taboo topic for many people. A friend who’s experiencing depression symptoms may not want to talk about their condition right away. There are many reasons they might not feel comfortable sharing what’s going on. Maybe they’re just having a bad day. Opening the door for a conversation is still a meaningful step. When your friend is ready, they’ll let you know.

On the other hand, you also won’t do your friend any favors by bending over backward to help them. You’ll burn yourself out, which isn’t fair to you, and it could hurt your relationship. Maintaining a good balance of being supportive and flexible without exhausting yourself is essential.

There are several different ways that you can help someone with depression, depending on their openness and their needs. In this blog post, we’ll share nine ways you can help a friend who’s dealing with depression.

9 ways to help a friend who’s dealing with depression

Depression affects people in different ways. Even if you have some experience with it yourself, it may be very different from what your friend is going through. Learning about depression and mental health in general can help you be more understanding. However, you’ll still need to have open and honest discussions to find out how they’re really feeling and take cues from your friend. Help is only helpful if the person is open to receiving it. Being there for them as a friend is much more important than trying to “fix” their depression.

The following are nine ways you may help a friend who’s dealing with depression:

• Talk to them — Start by describing the behaviors that are worrying you without judgment, and then explain why you’re concerned. If they’re open to talking, ask them if they just want you to listen or if they’re open to suggestions for problem-solving.
• Validate their feelings and show empathy — Anytime a friend shares something deeply personal, don’t judge or try to “fix” them. The best way to respond is by echoing an aspect of what they’ve said to let them know you heard and understood them. You might say something like “That sounds hard. I don’t blame you for feeling that way at all.” 
• Smash the stigma — If they’re feeling some shame around their depression symptoms, explain that it’s a health condition, not a personal flaw or weakness. Tell them there’s hope that they will get better with treatment.
• Help them with errands and chores — Low energy and a lack of motivation are common in people with depression. These kinds of symptoms can make it hard to care for oneself and get things done around the house. Offer to help in practical ways, such as preparing meals or helping them clean.
• Include them in your plans, but be flexible — Your friend may have a hard time enjoying social engagements and outings because of their depression. Keep inviting them to things, but don’t take it personally if they have to cancel. See if there are other activities that won’t be as stressful, or make plans to hang out another day.
• Care for yourself — When a friend is struggling, your first instinct may be to help them in any way you can. However, you’re not really helping your relationship if you’re sacrificing your own well-being. Make time for self-care and set realistic boundaries so you can be there for them in the long term.
• Learn about depression and mental health topics — For someone who is depressed, having to explain everything about their condition can be exhausting. To really understand what your friend is going through, take some time to educate yourself on depression and relevant mental health topics.
• Check in on them often — After you have an initial conversation, check in on your friend periodically. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture. Just a sincere “How are you?” text will show them that you’re thinking of them. If you don’t hear from them for a while or if they seem down, that’s a good time to say something.
• Suggest seeking help from a professional — More than anything, your friend will want to know they can trust you to listen without pushing your own agenda. Ask them if they’ve thought about seeing a therapist. If they’re resistant to the idea of therapy, give them a few reasons why you think it might help them. Share any positive experiences you’ve had. Just avoid telling them what to do or making any judgments.

You’ve already taken a step in the right direction by reading this article. Your friend may open up and tell you everything about their depression, or they might say they need some space. The suggestions in this article are just suggestions. The best way to find out what your friend needs from you is to ask them. However they respond, it’s important that you respect their wishes. Taking care of your own mental health is a great way to set an example and ensure that you have the capacity to be there for your friend.

At Lightfully, we provide comprehensive mental health care for people with conditions that are affecting their ability to function. We provide four levels of care and a Short-Term Option for each one. We provide highly personalized treatment for each of our clients using our Precision Care Model. 

If your friend asks you to help them find treatment, please contact us with questions or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team.