Anxiety is the fear of something that hasn’t happened yet — but still might. To someone who doesn’t have anxiety, these worries and fears can seem irrational. Many times, they are. But to those who do struggle with anxiety, the possibilities are very real.

People with social anxiety disorder may be afraid of others perceiving them in a negative light or doing or saying something wrong. Certain types of social situations, like parties or crowds or public speaking, may be more difficult than others. As a friend, you have an important role in their life. You shouldn’t be the only person they come to for support, though, and it’s not your responsibility to always make them comfortable. However, you can be a positive influence and help them maintain a realistic perspective. You can remind them that the unknown can lead to good outcomes, too.

You can start by asking your friend what kinds of support will be most helpful. If they’re drawing a blank, here are nine strategies to consider:

• Reach out first — If you haven’t heard from your friend in a while, reach out to make some plans. They’ll be glad you did.
• Give them lots of reassurance — Remind them why you value their friendship often. Your friend may have trouble seeing their best qualities. When you notice their greatness, let them know.
• Ask them how they’re feeling — Know that your friend might not speak up right away if they’re uncomfortable or anxious. Check in with them before and after transitioning to a new activity or environment, especially if they seem nervous. 
• Encourage them to take up space — The thought of inconveniencing others can be virtually terrifying to someone with social anxiety. Encourage your friend to do whatever they need to do. When they speak up about their needs and desires, whether it’s leaving the room to get some fresh air or choosing a restaurant, give them some positive reinforcement.
• Gently help them challenge negative thoughts — When a person is in a full-blown panic, pointing out the flaws in their thinking isn’t always helpful. Telling them they’re wrong isn’t a good idea either. When your friend has a negative thought or a bad feeling about something, try approaching it with some curiosity. Ask questions like, what do we know for sure? What are the most common outcomes in this situation? What else is possible? Encourage them to weigh the good along with the bad. 
• Remind them to use their coping skills — Anxiety makes it hard to think rationally and make executive decisions. Ask your friend what helps them the most when they’re feeling anxious. Then you’ll be ready to remind them of those skills and techniques in the moments when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
• Have check-ins often — Social anxiety is the voice that asks, “What if there’s something my friends aren’t telling me?” Being clear and up front about your boundaries and expectations will help your friend rest assured that you’re not hiding anything. That way, when they feel worried, you can give them some reassurance that if you had something to say, you would say it. Communicate about your communication so you both know how to speak up when you need to.
• Help them find the middle path — Your friend’s anxiety may have them wanting to turn and run or sit things out in situations that might end up being a good experience. Don’t push them to confront their fears and go all in. Help them find a compromise that allows them to participate without triggering too much anxiety.
• Be patient — The most important thing is that you don’t add to your friend’s anxiety by judging them or abandoning them when they’re struggling. Keep your own emotions in check, offer support and avoid telling them what they “should” do. Being there by their side while they’re dealing with their symptoms can be healing in itself.

Anxiety is very treatable, and people who pursue treatment typically make substantial improvements. That doesn’t necessarily mean it can always be “cured.” For many people, managing their symptoms is a process they’ll be engaged in for their entire life. It may help you to assume that your friend is doing their best to manage their social anxiety. There are effective treatments available, such as psychotherapy and medication, but they take some time to work. The person also has to be ready and willing to seek treatment.

If your friend is seeing a therapist or seeking a higher level of treatment, let them know you’re open to hearing about it. If they do share what they’re working on, be ready to listen actively. Ask what you can do to provide moral support or help them put new skills into practice. And if you suspect you or a friend may have social anxiety, seeking an evaluation with a licensed mental health professional is the best way to determine an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan.

Do you still have questions? Feel free to contact us at Lightfully Teen. We’re here to help.