Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional health. It often involves exposure to a threatening event that overwhelms your ability to cope. When you experience trauma, it can cause a range of symptoms, including:

• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Difficulty with relationships

While trauma can be a deeply personal experience, it can also be tied to another person. This can be particularly true in cases of:

• Abuse
• Neglect
• Betrayal

When trauma is caused by another person, it can be hard to separate the trauma from the person who caused it. This can lead to a complex emotional state known as trauma bonding. 

What is trauma bonding?

Trauma bonding is a complex psychological response that can form in abusive relationships. It’s a deep emotional attachment that develops between a victim and their abuser, despite the harmful nature of the relationship. This bond can be hard to break, even when the relationship is clearly toxic. 

Trauma bonding isn’t limited just to romantic relationships. It can also happen in situations such as:

• Hostage situations — People who are held hostage may form emotional bonds with their captors. 
• Human trafficking — Victims of trafficking may develop connections with those who exploit them. 
• Elder abuse — Older adults who are abused may form unhealthy attachments to their abusers. 
• Child abuse — Children who are abused can create trauma bonds with their abusers. 
• Exploitative employment — Workers in very poor or abusive job conditions may feel a bond with their employers. 

It’s crucial to understand that trauma bonding is not the victim’s fault. This phenomenon is not a result of the victim’s choices or behavior but rather a response to the dynamics of abuse. 

9 signs of trauma bonding 

Recognizing the sights of trauma bonding can be challenging, especially when the relationship involves cycles of abuse and affection. However, being aware of the signs of trauma bonding can help people recognize the harmful nature of the relationship and seek help. Nine signs of trauma bonding to look out for include:

• Cycles of abuse — The relationship is characterized by a pattern of abuse followed by periods of remorse or affection. This cycle can create a sense of dependency and make it hard for the victim to leave. Trauma bonding can be the result of:
• Emotional abuse
• Physical abuse
• Verbal abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Power imbalance — In a trauma bond, the abuser exerts control or intimidation over the victim. This creates a power imbalance over the victim, which can make it hard for them to assert their own needs or desires. 
• Inability to leave — A victim of a trauma bond may find it difficult to leave the relationship, even when it’s harmful due to:
• Fear
• Lack of resources
• Dependency on the abuser
• Dismissed boundaries — In a trauma bond, the abuser disregards the victim’s emotional or physical boundaries. This dismissal indicates a lack of respect for the victim’s feelings and well-being.
• Desire to feel loved — Victims of trauma bonding may stay in the relationship due to having a deep desire to feel loved and wanted. They stay in the harmful relationship even at the expense of their own well-being. 
• Prioritization of the abuser’s pleasure — The victim of a trauma bond may go to great lengths to keep the abuser happy. This can include the victim neglecting their own needs and desires.
• Excuses — The trauma bond victim may make excuses for the abuser’s behavior. They may downplay the severity of the abuse and minimize the harm it causes them. 
• Secrecy — The victim of the trauma bond may hide the abusive parts of the relationship from others. They may fear they will be judged or rejected, thinking they deserve the abuse or it’s their fault. 
• Withdrawal from others — The abuser of the trauma bond may isolate the victim from their friends and family. The isolation makes it hard for the victim to seek support or escape the relationship.

These are just a few signs of trauma bonding and may not be present in all cases, or other signs may appear. However, if you or someone you know is experiencing any signs of trauma bonding, it’s crucial to seek help. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance for individuals who are struggling to break free from a trauma bond. It’s essential to remember that a trauma bond is not the victim’s fault. The abuser is responsible for creating and maintaining the abusive relationship, and the victim is not to blame for being trapped in it. 

How mental health professionals can help someone address a trauma bonding issue

Trauma bonding can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional health. It can lead to a variety of mental health conditions, including:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Substance use disorder

If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma bonding, it’s important to seek professional help. In addition to support and guidance, a mental health professional can provide tools to help individuals break free from the cycle of abuse and build a healthier life. Ways a mental health professional can help address trauma bonding include:

• Providing a safe space
• Identifying and addressing underlying mental health issues
• Teaching healthy coping skills
• Challenging negative beliefs
• Developing a safety plan
• Connecting with support groups
• Providing resources
• Setting boundaries 
• Improving communication skills

You’re not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma bonding, there is help available. Seeking professional help is a crucial step in breaking free from the cycle of abuse, building a healthier future and thriving. 

Lightfully Behavioral Health can help address trauma bonding

Overcoming a trauma bond is a challenging journey, but with the right support, it’s entirely possible. At Lightfully Behavioral Health, we understand that leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as simple as it might seem, and the emotional and psychological complexities can make the process even harder. Our whole-person-centered care approach ensures that we address not just the symptoms of your trauma, but also the underlying issue. Our deeply compassionate experts will create a personalized care plan tailored to your unique needs. Seeking help is a brave and crucial step toward your healing. It’s not your fault you’re going through this, and you deserve support from experts who truly care. Our dedicated team is here to help you navigate this journey with empathy and expertise, empowering you to reclaim your life and well-being. 

If you need immediate support, please don’t hesitate to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They offer confidential support 24/7 at 800-799-7233 or via chat. This organization also offers a guide to help you create a safety plan. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.