It’s tough to find out that a friend is struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide. You may feel worried, upset or scared for them. But the fact that your friend shared these thoughts with you is a good sign. It shows they may be open to receiving help or at least considering other options. 

Before you share how you feel, ask some questions to find out what’s going on and how close your friend is to taking action. If they tell you they’re considering suicide or they have a plan, see if they can find someone to stay with them while they call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for immediate support.

Being there to listen to your friend can make a big difference. This article lists seven tips for texting someone who’s having suicidal thoughts.

What should I do if a friend sends me concerning text messages?

In any situation, you should reflect what your friend is saying back to them with compassion so they’ll feel heard and understood. Don’t be afraid to approach serious topics directly, and try not to make assumptions or judgments. See if you can find out what’s bothering them and if they have any plans or means to harm themselves. If they don’t really want to die, listening and helping them consider their next steps may help them through this tough moment. Again, if it sounds like they may be in danger, encourage them to stay with someone while they call a crisis line or seek emergency services.

7 tips for texting someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts

Having these conversations via text message can be tricky because you can’t see their facial expression or body language, and tone can be hard to decipher. However, for the person reaching out, talking about suicide in person may be just as difficult. It takes courage to ask for help with suicidal thoughts, so reassure your friend that they’re doing the right thing. 

Here are some guidelines you can use to help a friend who’s struggling with suicidal thoughts via text:

• Always take discussions about suicide and self-harm seriously — There are a lot of myths out there about suicide and self-harm. It’s usually not about seeking attention, and talking about suicide won’t make someone more likely to follow through. In the case that someone is having thoughts of suicide, it’s important to talk about it directly. Ask your friend if they’re thinking about suicide and if they have a plan. If they answer yes to both, try to find out if they have access to lethal means and encourage them to seek emergency services. 
• Show compassion and don’t judge them — Be careful not to say anything that invalidates this person’s experience. Encourage them to share what they’re feeling and then repeat the main points to see if you’re understanding them. For instance, you might text, “It sounds like you’re feeling defeated because you don’t see a good way to move forward.” You can ask them how they’ve worked through challenges like this in the past. Just avoid telling them what they “should” do and instead offer them some ideas to consider. 
• Be careful with your tone — The words and punctuation you use can really change how your message comes across. Read your texts over before you send them and ask yourself if your meaning is clear. Does it sound like you’re taking things lightly or being sarcastic? Using the person’s name in your texts can be a good way to make your tone sound sincere. 
• Don’t stay silent for too long — With text messages, you have the advantage of being able to revise them before hitting Send. Don’t spend too much time rereading your messages, though. Respond in a timely manner, and remember that being there for your friend is the most important thing.
• Respect their privacy — You would probably find a quiet place to talk if you were having this conversation in person. Respect your friend’s privacy by keeping your phone and your friend’s business to yourself. If you think it might be helpful to reach out to someone close to them, you can share that you’re concerned without giving specific details.
• Follow up later on — You can’t text back and forth forever, so let your friend know when you’ll catch up with them and then keep your word. Check in every few days until it seems like they’re feeling better. 
• Encourage them to seek help from a therapist — We all need different kinds of support people to get through life’s challenges. As a friend, you can help in some ways that a licensed clinician can’t, and vice versa. However, you can’t make someone go to therapy if they don’t want to. Try asking if it’s something they’ve considered and tell them why you think it might be helpful.

At Lightfully, we help people through their darkest moments

Learning how to have these tough conversations and familiarizing yourself with mental health topics are both great ways to be an ally for friends in need. If your friend has texted you about suicidal thoughts, you can help them by listening actively, helping them feel understood and helping them consider different ways to move forward. 

For many people dealing with suicidal ideation, outpatient therapy doesn’t provide enough support. At Lightfully, we offer higher levels of care for adults and teens struggling with their mental health. Our Lightfully U program is specifically for young adults aged 18 to 25. It’s a virtual program that blends both group and individual therapy for a more comprehensive approach to primary mental health care.

Our clients are more than their symptoms. We use our holistic Precision Care Model (PCM) to create personalized care plans that focus on each person’s specific needs and goals. We help people manage what they’re feeling in the moment and create new habits for long-term mental wellness.

Have questions? Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’re here to help.