Feeling wanted, accepted and loved are some of the most fundamental human needs. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, after your basic physical needs like food and safety are met, the next step is feeling a sense of love and belonging. When you don’t feel connected to others or feel wanted, it can cause you deep emotional pain and impact your overall well-being. Feeling unwanted can make you believe you’re not worthy of being loved or that others don’t care about you. Signs you are feeling unwanted can include, but aren’t limited to:

• Withdrawal — You may find yourself withdrawing from social activities or isolating yourself from others. 
• Low self-esteem — You may have a negative view of yourself and your abilities. 
• Negative thoughts— You may find yourself ruminating on negative thoughts and feelings. 
• Difficulty forming relationships — You may struggle to connect with others or keep healthy relationships. 
• Physical symptoms — Feeling unwanted can sometimes manifest as physical symptoms, including fatigue, headaches or digestive problems. 

While these feelings can be overwhelming, it’s important to remember that many people go through similar emotions. There are strategies you can use to help you cope with and overcome feeling unwanted, including working with a therapist. 

8 factors that can contribute to feeling unwanted

There are a wide variety of factors that can contribute to you feeling unwanted. Everyone’s experience is unique, but factors may include:

• Depression — Depression can impact how you see yourself and your relationship with others. It can make you feel isolated, unworthy and unloved. You may think people don’t care about you, even when they do care. Depression can distort reality and make it hard for you to feel connected with or valued by others. These feelings of unworthiness can cause you deeper emotional pain, which can reinforce the belief that you’re unwanted. 
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD) — BPD can cause you to struggle with intense emotions and a fear of being abandoned. Even minor events, like a friend being late or not answering a text, can trigger feelings of rejection or being unwanted. These emotional responses can be overwhelming. The fear of being unwanted can cause you to have a hard time keeping stable, close relationships.
• Anxiety — Another big player in making you feel unwanted can be anxiety. When you’re anxious, you may overanalyze situations or interactions. This can cause you to worry that you’ve said or done something wrong. You may pull back from others due to being afraid of making mistakes in relationships. Withdrawing can make you feel even more isolated. Anxiety can lead to overthinking, where small issues seem bigger, which reinforces feelings of being unwanted. 
• Trauma — Past trauma, especially trauma related to abandonment or rejection, can make you more vulnerable to feeling unwanted. It can be hard to trust others and feel like you belong if you’ve experienced hurt in the past caused by family, friends or romantic partners. The emotional wounds from trauma can stay with you and make it hard for you to believe that others really want you in their lives. 
• Intrusive thoughts — Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and distressing thoughts that can pop up without warning. These thoughts may try to convince you of things like, “No one likes you” or “You don’t matter.” These thoughts aren’t based on reality. Over time, intrusive thoughts can become overwhelming and cause you to believe them and reinforce feelings of being unwanted. 
• People-pleasing tendencies — People-pleasing can come from a deep desire to be liked and accepted. You may go out of your way to make others happy, even at the expense of your own needs. If your efforts aren’t reciprocated or appreciated in the way you hoped, it can cause you to feel unwanted. This can create a vicious cycle of seeking approval and not getting it, which can make you feel like you don’t matter to other people. 
• Attachment issues — Attachment styles are developed in early childhood and can affect how you feel in relationships. If you have an insecure attachment style, such as an anxious or avoidant style, you may feel unwanted more easily. If you’re anxious, you may worry a lot about being rejected. Avoidant individuals may push people away to protect themselves from feeling unwanted, even though they crave the connection. 
• Low self-esteem — Low self-esteem can make it hard to feel loved or wanted by others. When you don’t see value in yourself, it’s easy to think others don’t either. You may feel like a burden or that others would be better off without you. These negative thoughts can cause you to withdraw from relationships, further reinforcing feelings of being unwanted. 

Strategies to help you overcome feeling unwanted

Overcoming the feeling of being unwanted is a process that takes time, patience and self-compassion. Here are some strategies that can help you begin to heal and feel more connected:

• Practice self-compassion.
• Challenge negative thoughts.
• Strengthen meaningful relationships.
• Seek professional help from a therapist.
• Reconnect with your passions.
• Practice gratitude.
• Join a support group.
• Practice self-care. 
• Set healthy boundaries.

Rediscover your sense of belonging with Lightfully U

Feeling unwanted can be a painful and isolating experience, but you’re not alone, and these feelings don’t define your worth. At Lightfully U, we understand the profound impact the feelings of unwantedness can have on college students. With our unique approach to our Precision Care Model, we provide personalized, virtual intensive outpatient treatment tailored to your unique needs, providing whole-person-centered care by deeply compassionate experts. Our treatment incorporates components from effective, evidence-based techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Each of these therapeutic approaches are designed to help you reshape negative thought patterns and build healthier relationships. We’re committed to supporting college students through life’s ups and downs, helping you to feel valued, connected and empowered to move forward with confidence. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.