Domestic abuse isn’t always noticeable to others outside of the relationship, at least at first. It can be very tempting to try to mask it while you work things out. Some people have a hard time admitting to themselves that their partner is abusing them. In the long run, being in an abusive relationship can cause you to spend less and less time with your family and friends. It can also negatively impact your mental health.
Domestic violence takes many different forms. Along with physical abuse, it may also include sexual violence, stalking and psychological aggression. Most of the time when people talk about domestic abuse and domestic violence, they’re describing intimate partner violence. However, in the context of a family, children are often involved. Witnessing the abuse of a caregiver can be very traumatic, and abusers may target children directly as well. Ongoing exposure to domestic violence is a form of emotional neglect that can continue to affect children into their adult lives.
If you are in an abusive relationship, there is hope that you can heal and start to build more secure and supportive relationships. In this blog post, we’ll talk about the long-term effects domestic abuse can have on your mental health.
How can domestic abuse affect a person’s mental health in the long term?
Domestic abuse can negatively affect your mental health in both direct and indirect ways. You may feel emotional pain and anxiety or fear around your partner. You may also start to feel anxious or afraid in situations that don’t involve them. When you feel threatened, your nervous system is likely to shift into one or more of the “four F” trauma response states: fight, flight, freeze or faun. These responses are instinctual and not a conscious choice — we developed them as a means of survival. However, they can limit your ability to think clearly and act according to your intentions or values. In the long term, survivors of domestic abuse may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
When your nervous system is consistently “activated,” you may experience depressive episodes or start to avoid situations and activities that have made you feel fearful or stressed. You might avoid talking about certain topics even when there’s something you need to communicate. If your partner has lashed out at you for spending too much time with friends or talking about them with a family member, you may start self-isolating to avoid making them angry again. Abusive partners tend to erode other relationships in their partner’s life, both to deter them from getting help and to increase that person’s dependence on them.
When a loved one treats you poorly on a regular basis, it’s easy to start thinking that that’s the kind of treatment you deserve. Domestic abuse can affect your self-esteem and your sense of agency, which impacts every part of your life. In the long term, unresolved mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression can develop into chronic conditions that require comprehensive treatment.
Why do people end up in abusive relationships, and why do they stay?
Abusers aren’t always mean or violent from the beginning. Some will “love-bomb” their partner during the honeymoon phase of their relationship. When the romance wears off and they get comfortable, the facade slips away. Some people are susceptible to abusive relationships because the family they grew up in was dysfunctional or abusive. They have a harder time seeing “red flags” because the warning signs seem like normal behavior to them.
Leaving an abusive relationship is by no means simple. For one thing, once the abuse begins, the couple typically has some level of attachment. Abusers are human, and they usually have some good qualities that contrast with their bad behavior. They may live with their partner, have mutual friends, or even have children and shared property as well. Many abusers know how to use these things to manipulate their partner into staying complacent and silent.
How can I end an abusive relationship safely and start to heal from domestic abuse?
The best way to leave an abusive partner safely and start healing will depend on your life circumstances and your relationship with this person. You’ll need to take different steps to protect yourself, your children, and any pets or belongings of yours while managing your responsibilities. Your ability to get around independently and their behavior as well as any legal implications of your breakup may affect your decision-making process.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline has some great resources to help you create a safety plan and determine what kinds of help you might need. Your safety plan might include a safe word that your partner won’t recognize. You’d need to share the safe word with your children or any friends and family members you might call for help. You might also identify some places where you can go to keep yourself safe — public places with lots of people and somewhere you can stay overnight.
Lightfully supports domestic abuse survivors on their mental health journey
One of the biggest barriers to leaving an abusive relationship is shame. Getting help usually means admitting to yourself that you’re being abused and accepting that you deserve better. It’s never a domestic abuse survivor’s fault that they were mistreated by a loved one. Letting go of judgments and practicing self-compassion is an important step toward improving your mental health.
Taking the practical steps to get yourself out of an abusive relationship is an act of self-love. However, it’s not something you need to do alone. Your support system should include friends, trusted family members, community support services and possibly a psychotherapist.
We usually work with domestic abuse survivors after they’ve left their partner and they need to repair their relationships with themselves and their loved ones. After months or years of abuse, it can be hard to break out of toxic patterns and behaviors. At Lightfully, we provide personalized treatment that focuses on your present and your future. We’ll help you develop the core processes you need to achieve and maintain mental wellness: healthy thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships.
Are you recovering from an abusive relationship? Contact us today or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. Let’s take the next steps together.
