Complicated grief and disenfranchised grief are both misunderstood to a certain extent. In our culture, people often get uncomfortable talking about death and loss in general. There are some important differences between these two types of grief. Complicated grief is called prolonged grief disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5-TR) — it’s when the most intense period of grief doesn’t subside in the expected amount of time based on social, cultural or religious norms. Disenfranchised grief is when others don’t sympathize with your grief because of taboos, stigma or a lack of understanding.

If there’s something about a particular loss that seems different, others may not know how to respond. However, for your well-being, you need supporters who will listen and keep you company while you’re grieving. If your grief seems impossible to cope with or if it interferes with your life for an extended period, you may need mental health treatment to start your recovery process.

If you’re in a moment of crisis or having thoughts of ending your life, call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or check out other SAMHSA crisis resources.

In this blog post, we’ll define complicated grief and disenfranchised grief, discuss their differences, and talk about how you can get the help you need.

What is complicated grief?

Complicated grief looks a lot like typical grief in the beginning. However, it may last much longer than what’s considered normal, which is approximately 12 months for adults and six months for children. It may stay consistent or get worse over time rather than getting more bearable. Like other mental health conditions, complicated grief may affect your ability to care for yourself and manage day-to-day tasks or responsibilities. 

Most employers only grant about a week of bereavement time, or less. This is an allotted number of days off after the loss of a loved one to care for yourself and your family and make funeral arrangements. In cases of complicated grief, people may need to ask for an extended leave or apply for short-term disability benefits while they’re receiving mental health treatment.

Some potential situations where complicated grief may be more likely include:

• Having a close or long-standing relationship with a person you’ve lost
• Losing someone in an unexpected, violent or otherwise traumatic way
• Losing more than one person in quick succession
• Stressful consequences of death or illness, for instance, family conflict
• Losing a young child
• Using substances to cope with grief
• Having preexisting mental health conditions

What is disenfranchised grief?

Disenfranchised grief is grief that other people don’t recognize or validate. We all need emotional support from others in some shape or form when we’re grieving. If people in your close circle of friends and family or your community aren’t there for you when you need them, it can make things even more difficult. Disenfranchised grief isn’t a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR, but it is a recognized concept that can be helpful to describe certain situations.

People may show a lack of sympathy depending on the circumstances of the person’s death, your relationship with them or the way you express your grief. You might feel like this is adding insult to injury, which it probably is. The pain of losing someone or something is a feeling everyone can relate to on some level. You deserve support and sympathy as much as anybody else, but you may need to look elsewhere to find it. For instance, you might talk to a psychotherapist or see if there’s a support group you can go to. 

Some examples of disenfranchised grief include:

• Losing someone by suicide
• Unrecognized relationship with the deceased, such as a casual or ex-partner
• Grief over a loss that others don’t know about
• Grief over a loss that others consider less significant, such as a co-worker
• Loss due to a stigmatized illness
• Other stigmatized circumstances of death, such as dangerous or taboo activities
• Grief that’s expressed in an unexpected way, such as through humor or anger

How can I get help for complicated grief or disenfranchised grief?

While some aspects of grief may seem universal, each person’s experience with each individual loss is unique. Grief brings a broad spectrum of emotions, from sadness to anger, guilt and disbelief. This is one reason why it can be so hard to know what to say when you want to offer your condolences. It’s not really fair to compare one person’s grief to another’s. However, differentiating experiences like complicated grief and disenfranchised grief can help promote understanding and help connect people with the appropriate support and treatment. 

Though complicated and disenfranchised grief can feel very isolating, there are ways to get help. You might seek out a psychotherapist who has experience helping people with disenfranchised grief or find other people in your community who have been through their own unrecognized losses. If your grief seems insurmountable, or if it’s affecting your ability to function, you may need more comprehensive mental health treatment. 

At Lightfully, we provide comprehensive mental health care that’s focused on you as a person, not your diagnosis. Our Precision Care Model (PCM) ensures that each client receives a holistic and highly personalized treatment plan. We can help you get through this tough time, reimagine what your life will look like going forward, and chart your healing journey.

Do you have questions about treatment? Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’re here to help.