Does your child talk about feeling lonely when they aren’t alone? Or say they feel excluded even when surrounded by family? If they’re feeling left out by family, there are several possible reasons. Fortunately, there are ways to reconnect with your child and give them a sense of belonging again. Professionals, including those at Lightfully, can support your child, too.
Why do teenagers feel left out?
If you haven’t experienced it yourself, it may be hard to imagine feeling left out by family. Your family members are supposed to be there for you, always. There may be nobody you can rely on more than them. However, your child may be feeling like the last kid picked for the team in gym class — when they’re at home. They may feel unwanted.
Here are a few possible explanations:
1. Changes in the family
The loss of a loved one can affect the family dynamic, and grief can be a lonely experience. On the other hand, a new arrival in the family may be a cause for celebration, but it can also shift the family away from the status quo. Plus, a new family member who needs constant care – like a little sibling – can naturally shift attention away from a child who may be used to having more of your focus. A teenager may need extra support to adjust.
Other changes may also lead to difficult feelings, like a move to a new home. Parents may divorce or remarry; siblings may leave for college or return home. Your child needs to know that you are there for them as they navigate life’s changes.
You can show support for them by finding ways to involve them in the family’s big moments and everyday routines. You can look for opportunities to spend time with them one-on-one. Also, you can ask them how they want to be involved, what activities they enjoy and which family members they’d like to spend more time with. You may arrange for your child to speak with a professional for expert support.
2. Shifts in their mental health
Your child might experience changes in their mental health as they grow and develop. While mental health conditions are relatively uncommon in early childhood, the likelihood of developing them increases significantly as children go through adolescence. Your child may experience early symptoms associated with anxiety, depression or another condition. A lowered mood can amplify feelings of loneliness or disconnection. It can also make a person more likely to respond to everyday interactions negatively.
One study found that college students with depression symptoms were sensitive to social rejection. That was the bad news in the study’s results. The good news? Participants were especially sensitive to social rejection — but also to acceptance. Your family’s love and support for your child may make a serious impact.
If your child may be facing a clinical or subclinical mental health concern, let them know that you’re there for them. Encourage them to discuss how they’re feeling, and listen without judgment. Look into treatment options together. When your child participates in social events, welcome them and encourage them.
3. Challenges outside of the home
As an adult, you might find yourself bringing a stressful workday home with you, feeling tension or stress long after your workday has ended. Your teenager may bring a tough day home with them, too. They might be feeling pressure at school, in extracurriculars or in their friend group. Maybe they feel like the odd one out or they have experienced bullying. Negative feelings about these things can spread to their home life, where they might feel left out despite their family’s support.
Talk to your child about their feeling excluded to find out more about where the feeling may be coming from. Perhaps they have a problem that could be solved easily, like leaving one school club to join another. Maybe they need your help with an issue outside of your home. If you would like a professional’s help with a challenging conversation, you can reach out to a mental health care provider at Lightfully. We can provide support for you and your child as you navigate this.
Rebuild your child’s family connections
By looking for information about the problem, you have taken the first step to helping a child who is feeling left out by family. Your love, support and inclusion matter to them. So does your ability to listen to them, offer opportunities for mental health care and discuss similar experiences that you may have had.
To talk with a mental health professional about what your child is experiencing, reach out to Lightfully. We offer care for teenagers, young adults and older adults online and in person.
