Talking about your feelings isn’t always easy, especially if you’re not used to opening up. It’s worth taking that step, though. Talking about your feelings can help you connect with other people and communicate clearly and honestly. Having the vocabulary to discuss emotional topics can help you understand other people’s feelings better, too. You may learn to build deeper connections by opening up and learning how to connect.
At Lightfully, we can help you learn how to talk about your feelings. We can provide information on identifying your emotions, raising difficult topics and reviewing the conversation afterward.
Several strategies for talking about your emotions
Learning just one or two of these strategies may help you, if only a small part of talking about your feelings is difficult. You can use the whole set of strategies as a series.
Begin learning to identify your feelings.
Maybe the words for your feelings come easily, and the only challenge is voicing them. On the other hand, maybe you struggle to put your feelings into words. You may have alexithymia, which is a difficulty in recognizing your emotional experiences and describing them. This is common among people with a variety of mental health conditions, like depression, and developmental conditions, like autism spectrum disorder, though it can occur in anyone.
You may learn to identify your feelings by practicing introspection. You might find that writing helps you find and express feelings. With practice, verbalizing your emotions may become easier.
Consider who you want to open up to.
When you understand your feelings and you want to open up, your next step could be to choose someone who can be supportive to you. It might seem easy to turn to someone you’re close to, but they might not be familiar with what you want to discuss. They might not be the most prepared to support you.
Instead, think about who might have shared similar emotional experiences. If you’re nervous about starting a new job or angry about a professional conflict, for example, your lifelong stay-at-home parent may find it difficult to relate. Consider talking to someone who has had similar experiences. You can also take into account whether this person is compassionate, nonjudgmental and respectful of privacy.
Choose a time to talk about what you’re feeling.
You might need support in the moment, as soon as you can speak to someone. That’s OK. But if you don’t need to get something off of your chest right away, you may find that a little planning helps you have a smoother conversation.
Try to choose a time when you and the other person are unlikely to be distracted, when you can give each other your full attention. If you’re diving into a deep topic, it’s probably best not to do it while one of you is in the middle of a task like cooking or driving. Look for an opportunity when you’re both ready to talk.
Think about what you might want from the conversation.
Before you get started, think about how you would like to feel when you come away from the conversation. Would you like to have been heard out as you vented or thought out loud? Would you like to feel confident, with new advice from someone who knows how to move forward in your position?
This might be worth bringing up when you speak with the other person. If you want to talk without getting advice or critical feedback, you can let them know. If you are open to feedback, advice or suggestions, share that you’re looking for their input.
Review how the conversation went.
After you have opened up, you might be one step closer to being comfortable talking about your feelings. If you would like the next conversation to be easier, or if you feel that it didn’t go as planned, you can reconsider how it went.
What did you learn from the conversation, about your feelings, yourself or the person you talked to? How might you approach the same topics in the future? Is there anything that you would like to talk about with this person later?
You can talk to a professional about heavy or complex emotions
When what you’re feeling isn’t so easy to work with, participating in treatment with a licensed mental health professional may help. The licensed clinical therapists at Lightfully offer therapy in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), Residential Treatment and Virtual Services (vIOP/vPHP). These whole-person-centered programs also include psychiatric care, group sessions and family therapy.
Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.
