By Dr. Nicole Siegfried, PhD, CEDS — Chief Clinical Officer, Lightfully Behavioral Health

Dr. Nicole Siegfried is a licensed clinical psychologist and nationally recognized expert with over 20 years of experience in behavioral health. She specializes in helping individuals navigate complex emotional experiences, including trauma, mood disorders and relationship challenges. 

We have all experienced that sharp, lingering feeling of being wronged. Whether it stems from a minor misunderstanding or a significant betrayal, resentment often feels like an emotional anchor. It can keep us stuck in the past, replaying old scenarios and feeling the same frustration over and over again.

Resentment is often described as the re-feeling of anger. It is a complex emotional response that involves a sense of injustice and persistent ill will toward a person or situation. While these feelings are a natural part of the human experience, holding onto them for long periods may be associated with increased stress and emotional exhaustion.

Letting go of resentment doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing harmful behavior. It often means learning how to process the experience in a way that supports your emotional well-being.

What is resentment, and why does it happen?

Dr. Siegfried — Resentment is a mix of emotions that may include anger, hurt and disappointment. When we feel we have been treated unfairly and cannot resolve the situation, that anger can sour into resentment.

People may experience resentment when:

• Boundaries feel crossed or ignored
• Communication breaks down
• Trust is damaged
• Emotional needs are not met

Resentment can be a natural emotional response. However, when it lingers over time, it may begin to affect mood, relationships and stress levels. 

Why is it so hard to let go of resentment?

Dr. Siegfried — Letting go of resentment can feel like you are letting someone off the hook for their behavior. For many, holding onto resentment feels like a way to protect themselves from being hurt again. It can act as a shield, keeping others at a distance so the original pain is not repeated. However, resentment often has a greater impact on the person holding it than the person who caused the original hurt.

Some reasons it may feel difficult include:

• The situation may still feel unresolved
• There may be ongoing contact with the person involved
• The experience may have affected trust or safety
• The emotions may not have been fully processed

Does letting go mean forgiving someone?

Dr. Siegfried — Not necessarily.

Letting go of resentment and forgiveness are related but not the same. Forgiveness often involves making a conscious decision about how to relate to the person who caused harm.

You can decide to release the anger and resentment you feel for your own well-being without resuming a relationship with the person who hurt you.

Reconciling with someone is a two-way process that requires safety and trust. Letting go of resentment, however, is an internal process you can do on your own. It is an act of reclaiming your emotional energy so it is no longer tied to a past injustice. This distinction can be empowering for those who are not ready or able to forgive.

What are some ways to begin letting go of resentment?

Dr. Siegfried — There is no single way to release resentment, but there are steps that may help over time.

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling.

Resentment often becomes stronger when emotions are pushed aside. Naming feelings, such as anger, hurt or disappointment, can be an important first step.

2. Reflect on the situation.

You might consider:

• What happened?
• How did it affect you?
• What needs or expectations were unmet?

This process can help create clarity around your experience.

3. Set boundaries if needed.

Letting go of resentment does not mean staying in situations that feel unhealthy. Boundaries are limits that protect your emotional well-being. When resentment grows, it often signals a boundary that has been crossed.

Healthy boundaries may include:

• Limiting contact
• Communicating needs clearly
• Taking space when needed

Boundaries are not punishments. They are tools for self-protection and emotional safety.

4. Shift focus to what you can control.

You may not be able to change what happened, but you can begin to focus on your own actions, choices and well-being.

5. Practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with understanding rather than criticism. This may include:

• Recognizing that your feelings are valid
• Allowing yourself time to process
• Avoiding harsh self-judgment

How can resentment affect mental health?

Dr. Siegfried — Holding onto resentment over long periods may contribute to ongoing stress. Chronic stress can affect both emotional and physical health.

Some people experience:

• Increased anxiety or tension
• Difficulty sleeping
• Frequent rumination (replaying thoughts repeatedly)
• Mood changes or irritability
• Strained relationships

These experiences don’t mean resentment has caused a mental health condition. However, persistent resentment may be associated with increased emotional distress.

Can therapy help with resentment?

Dr. Siegfried — Many people explore therapy to work through lingering anger or hurt. Therapy can offer a supportive space to:

• Process difficult emotions
• Understand patterns in relationships
• Develop coping skills
• Learn communication strategies

Different therapeutic approaches may help people respond to difficult emotions in more flexible ways.

How long does it take to let go of resentment?

Dr. Siegfried — There is no universal timeline. Some people notice change within months. Others take longer. Progress often depends on:

• The severity of the hurt
• Current stress levels
• Available support
• Personal coping skills

Letting go is less about speed and more about gradual emotional relief.

What if you’re not ready to let go yet?

Dr. Siegfried — That is OK. Emotional readiness matters. Trying to force change can sometimes increase distress.

Instead, you can focus on:

• Understanding your emotions
• Building coping skills
• Seeking support
• Practicing self-compassion

Growth often begins with small steps.

Move toward emotional freedom with help from Lightfully

At Lightfully, we understand that emotional health is about more than just the absence of symptoms. It is about your ability to live a life that feels authentic and free from the weights of the past. If resentment or unresolved anger is making it difficult for you to move forward, we are here to provide the whole-person-centered care you need.

Our personalized treatment plans are designed to meet your specific clinical needs, whether you are looking for residential care or the flexibility of an intensive outpatient program. We offer a variety of levels of care to ensure you are supported at every step of your journey. By empowering people with practical skills and compassionate guidance, we help you navigate life’s complexities with resilience.

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is resentment the same thing as anger?

While they are related, anger is often a short-term reaction to a specific event. Resentment is a more complex, long-term emotion that involves re-experiencing that anger over time.

Can resentment cause physical symptoms?

Persistent emotional distress, including resentment, is often associated with physical symptoms like tension headaches, muscle pain and digestive issues due to the body’s chronic stress response.

How do I know if my resentment is “normal?”

It is normal to feel resentful after being treated unfairly. However, if the feeling persists for weeks and begins to negatively impact your daily life, it may be helpful to seek support.

Can I let go of resentment if the other person hasn’t apologized?

Yes. Letting go is a process that happens within you. While an apology can be helpful, your ability to release the emotional weight does not depend on the other person’s actions.

Does resentment always lead to a breakup or an ended relationship?

Not necessarily. In some cases, addressing the roots of resentment through therapy or communication can actually lead to a stronger, more honest relationship.

Why do I feel resentful even when things are going well?

Sometimes, old patterns of resentment can linger in the brain’s background. It may also be a sign of burnout or feeling that your needs are consistently being overlooked.

Can children feel resentment?

Yes, children and adolescents can experience resentment, often related to perceived unfairness in school, friendships or family dynamics.

How long does it take to let go of resentment?

There is no set timeline. For some, it may happen quickly after a shift in perspective; for others, it is a gradual process that happens over many months of clinical work.

Why does resentment keep coming back?

Reminders of the original situation can trigger the emotion again. This is common when feelings have not been fully processed.

How do I know if I need help with resentment?

If resentment feels overwhelming or affects daily life, it may be helpful to speak with a professional.