Emotions are a part of being human. Feeling joy, sadness, frustration or excitement is natural. However, sometimes, emotions can feel overwhelming, like they’re running the show instead of you. That’s where emotional regulation comes in. Emotional regulation is a skill, not something you’re born with. Just like learning to ride a bike or play a musical instrument, it takes practice. When you get better at it, you’ll start to see some amazing benefits:

• You’ll know yourself better — You’ll become more aware of what you’re feeling and why. This valuable skill is known as self-awareness. 
• You’ll be able to see the bigger picture — Instead of getting caught up in a strong emotion, you’ll be able to step back and choose your response. This is called mindful awareness. 
• You’ll become more flexible — You’ll be able to change how you think about a situation to feel better. This is a skill called cognitive reappraisal. 
• You’ll be more resilient — You’ll be able to bounce back from tough situations more easily.
• You’ll be kinder to yourself — You’ll be able to give yourself the same grace and understanding you’d give to a friend. This is called self-compassion.
• You’ll get better support — When you can explain how you’re feeling, it’s easier for others to help you. 

Emotional regulation vs. emotional dysregulation

When emotional regulation is working well, you feel more balanced and able to handle life’s ups and downs. However, when emotions spiral out of control, that’s called emotional dysregulation.

Emotional dysregulation can look like:

• Intense mood swings
• Difficulty calming down after stress
• Impulsive reactions
• Feeling easily overwhelmed

Why does this happen? Reasons can include childhood experiences, trauma, mental health conditions or simply not having learned coping skills. Some mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder or disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, are characterized by significant difficulties with emotional regulation.

When we’re faced with a tough situation, our brains often default to one of three choices:

• Attack — This is when you lash out with anger or hurtful words. 
• Avoid — This is when you try to escape the feeling by shutting down, pushing people away or using unhealthy habits.
• Approach — This is when you choose to face the feeling head-on in a healthy way. 

Strengthening regulation is about choosing the approach path more often and practicing skills that help you get there. 

How self-regulation develops and how to practice it

Think of emotional regulation as a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Here are some simple, practical ways to start building that muscle today:

• Use self-soothing techniques.

When you feel overwhelmed, try calming your nervous system with your senses. This could be anything from wrapping yourself in a weighted blanket, holding a warm cup of coffee or smelling a favorite scent like lavender. 

• Do a mindful body scan.

This is a simple exercise that helps you connect with your body. Lie down and close your eyes. Slowly bring your attention to each part of your body, from your toes all the way up to your head. Notice how each part feels without judgment. This practice, along with others like deep breathing and the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method, can help you feel more centered when your mind is racing. 

• Embrace cognitive strategies.

You have the power to change your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I’m going to fail this,” try asking yourself, “What’s one small step I can take right now?” Or, practice cognitive reappraisal by reframing a bad thought. For example, instead of thinking, “This is the worst day ever,” you can say, “This is a challenging day, but I’ve gotten through tough days before.”

• Take care of your body.

Your mind and body are connected. When one is hurting, the other feels it. Try to get enough quality sleep, eat healthy meals and move your body. When your body feels good, it’s easier for your mind to feel good too. 

• Talk to a friend or journal.

Sometimes, just getting your feelings out of your head is enough. You can do this by talking to a friend or a trusted family member. If you don’t feel like talking, try writing it in a journal. Just get all your thoughts and feelings down on paper. It’s a great way to understand what’s going on inside of you.

• Practice self-compassion.

Be patient with yourself. You’re probably not going to be perfect at this overnight. When you have a tough moment, don’t beat yourself up. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best and that it’s OK to feel what you’re feeling. 

Remember to start small and be consistent. You don’t have to tackle everything at once. Pick one or two things and try to practice them every day. You can track your progress in a journal and celebrate your small wins. 

When to seek professional help

While these strategies are a great start, there are times when it’s best to get professional support. If your emotions feel too big to handle, if your reactions are hurting your relationships or if you’re turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, it may be time to talk to a professional. Nearly 1 in 5 American adults lives with a mental health disorder. This shows that you’re not alone and that professional help is common and effective. A therapist can help you understand the root of your struggles and teach you more advanced strategies to navigate your feelings in a healthy way. 

Your journey to well-being starts with Lightfully

At Lightfully, the framework of everything we do is centered around whole-person-centered care, seeing you as a whole person, not just symptoms or a diagnosis. Our licensed clinical experts strive to provide personalized treatment to help you practice emotional regulation, build healthy coping skills and create lasting change. With multiple levels of care, we work to empower individuals to safeguard their mental health in a supportive, compassionate environment. 

You don’t have to figure it out alone. With the right support, healthier emotional regulation is possible, and it can open the door to a calmer, more fulfilling life. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, contact us. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.