What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is best understood as never feeling “good enough,” even when you succeed. It also stems from setting unrealistic expectations for yourself and others. Researchers have identified three domains of perfectionism, including self-oriented, other-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism.
Self-oriented perfectionists may be overly critical about their mistakes, failures or even their accomplishments. They typically tend to be highly motivated and often prone to obsessive thinking or worrying.
Other-oriented perfectionists place their unrealistic standards on someone else. This might be a partner, a family member, such as a child, or even a sibling. This person might think they are pushing the other person to be the best version of themselves. But often, other-oriented perfectionism stems from projecting impossibly high standards onto someone else.
Lastly, socially prescribed perfectionism often leads the individual to believe that their peers expect them to be perfect. For example, this could include family, cultural or societal impossible expectations that they think they have to meet.
While perfectionism is not a stand-alone mental health diagnosis, it is recognized as a trait that can contribute to or worsen conditions like anxiety, depression and OCD.
A study from 2019 found that perfectionism has been increasing in North America. Researchers found an increase in self-demanding behaviors and traits among young adults. This might be why it is often harder to identify when someone is struggling with perfectionistic standards. Similarly, hard work might get mistaken for drive or ambition, making it hard to spot.
How perfectionism shows up, and can lead to burnout
Overworking to avoid failure
Perfectionism can manifest as a fear of failure. This might include staying awake all night to ace your presentation the next day. Fear of failure might lead to procrastination because you are too afraid to begin working on something if you believe you are going to fail.
Struggling to rest or unplug
It might feel like your perfectionistic traits keep your mind awake at all hours. If you’re constantly thinking about a project you need to complete or a new task to add to your to-do list, it might be your perfectionism talking.
Feeling like accomplishments aren’t enough
This might manifest as obsessive thinking, worrying about your failures or not achieving your future goals. People with perfectionism might try to seek reassurance from their friends, families or partners, but sometimes this reassurance isn’t enough.
Self-criticism or shame after small mistakes
Mistakes happen, and one mistake does not mean you are a failure. Take a step back, identify the problem and try again. Overt self-criticism can be a sign that perfectionistic standards might be more harmful than not.
Avoiding tasks unless success feels guaranteed
A perfectionist will inevitably set unattainable goals for themselves. If these goals are not met or the impossible personal standards fail, self-esteem may plummet and feelings of inadequacy can arise.
5 ways to break the cycle of perfectionism and burnout
Practice self-compassion daily
To engage in self-compassion, you may consider practicing mindfulness. Try focusing on the present moment and any negative thoughts you may have. Try replacing your self-criticisms with compassionate self-talk. This can help you challenge any judgments you pass on yourself.
Set progress-based goals, not perfection-based ones
It can be easy to get frustrated when you’re not meeting your goals, but setting unattainable goals can make it easier to get discouraged when they inevitably fall through. Consider replacing your big goals with tiny, manageable ones. You can start by breaking a big task into different steps, so that each time you make a little progress on the way to accomplishing your goal.
Challenge all-or-nothing thinking
The first step to challenging any negative thoughts is to identify them. Practice mindfulness, and when a self-critical thought pops into your head, try countering it with a positive affirmation about yourself. Over time, this strategy may help you create a more holistic and optimistic self-image.
Create routines that focus on rest
It’s also important to give yourself credit for how much you’re doing and how far you’ve come. By taking some time for yourself to rest and recuperate, you can allow your brain to take a break from your responsibilities. Prioritizing healthy habits can help build your self-worth. Building a positive opinion about yourself is the first step to overcoming perfectionism.
Ask for professional support
If you are feeling like you might need some more support when it comes to overcoming perfectionism, you are not alone. Enrolling in a flexible program such as a Virtual Partial Hospitalization Program (vPHP) is a great first step. A vPHP allows you access to support from mental health professionals during the week on a structured schedule.
Lightfully’s vPHP can support recovery
At Lightfully, our clinicians are ready to provide you with the support you need to overcome perfectionism. Our care team of licensed therapists, psychiatrists and Client Care Techs is ready to meet you where you are. Using Lightfully’s original clinical model, Precision Care Model (PCM), our clinicians craft a fully personalized and comprehensive treatment plan, designed specifically for you. Our compassionate clinical experts rely on evidence-based, clearly defined, data-driven and whole-person-centered therapeutic modalities.
vPHP is ideal for those who want to receive care from the comfort of their home, but also would benefit from psychiatry oversight. During the 20 hours of care per week, your care team of licensed providers will help you learn new skills, coping methods, thoughts or behaviors to help you overcome the burnout that perfectionism can bring.
Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.
