Separation anxiety is a normal part of development for children from about six months to three years of age. Those who continue to show significant distress may have separation anxiety disorder. Many parents assume that this is something their child will outgrow with time, but this doesn’t always happen.
About one-third of children who experience separation anxiety disorder will continue to have symptoms into adulthood. For many teens, separation anxiety is a distinct and treatable condition. For some, separation anxiety may occur alongside other conditions, such as panic disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), rather than being directly caused by them.
The way you respond to your teen’s separation anxiety plays a big role in helping them develop resilience — but it can also trigger their anxieties and make them more intense.
In this article, we’ll talk about separation anxiety in teens and five ways parents can help without making it worse.
5 ways parents can help teens with separation anxiety
Some of the more traditional behaviorist parenting techniques can backfire with teens who have separation anxiety. For instance, bribes or rewards for separation can reinforce that separation is a bad thing, and forced separations can increase anxiety and erode trust.
Shaming teens by comparing them to their peers will only make them feel worse. In general, using logic alone to combat anxiety ignores the emotional component, which is foundational to what’s happening.
The best approach to helping teens with separation anxiety is based in resilience parenting. Try to nurture your connection with your teen and help them build coping skills while gradually increasing your time apart. Strengthening your bond by giving them a photo or a personal item of yours to keep with them, or sending check-in texts in moderation, may help.
The following are five ways you can help your teen with separation anxiety without making it worse.
Validate their feelings without reinforcing avoidance
Your teen’s anxieties are very real to them. Showing them compassion and empathy will help them learn to regulate their emotions and be brave. Avoid the urge to stay with them constantly, but spend quality time together and work on building trust and confidence. When they do make progress, be sure to let them know you’re proud.
Create predictable routines and check-in schedules
Creating consistent communication patterns can help your teen feel safer and more secure. Use technology in moderation and don’t let it become a distraction. Set expectations for texts and calls so they know what to expect. Make sure your teen has a say in the process, too.
Encourage independence in small, manageable steps
Forcing your teen into an extended separation right away won’t help them build up their resilience. Start small by leaving them in a familiar setting while you’re outside the house, at a family member’s home or a place of worship, for example.
Then try leaving the building for 15 minutes and increasing your time apart while sending texts or calling to check in. Celebrate the small victories and talk through what each experience was like with your teen.
Address underlying fears and concerns
Your teen may have specific worries or fears about what might happen if you leave their side for too long. Open up a conversation and find out what their concerns are. This way, you can problem-solve and find ways to help them cope. If they’re afraid of you getting sick, for example, talk with them about what you’re doing to care for your health.
Maintain your own emotional regulation
When you’re upset, your teen will pick up on it and have a harder time regulating their own emotions. The opposite is also true: staying calm can help them do the same. If you’re feeling some anxiety about letting them go, see what you can do to manage it. Maybe plan some activities together that you can look forward to or create a new weekly routine like a pizza and a movie night.
Explore your teen’s treatment options for separation anxiety with Lightfully Teen
While separation anxiety is more common in younger children, teens can also experience intense distress when separated from parents, especially during times of transition. If this back-to-school season has your teen feeling distressed, there is hope that they can build up their resilience and emotion regulation skills for more independence. At Lightfully Teen, we offer programs that support teens and families who are navigating separation anxiety.
Our licensed clinicians take a unique approach called Precision Care Model (PCM) that combines aspects of different evidence-based treatments to create a personalized treatment plan for each person. We help teens find relief from their symptoms, and we also help them learn to care for their mental health proactively for long-term wellness. We provide three levels of mental health care to help your family through every stage of your journey.
Are you exploring higher levels of mental health care for a teen with separation anxiety? The first step is an in-depth assessment. Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team today.
