What does it mean to take out stress on your family?
Why do we take out our stress on our family? Stress building up can trigger emotional dysregulation. This makes it quicker for us to feel angry or frustrated. Stress can be a contributing factor to anxiety or depression, and can have negative effects on mental health and physical health.
Often, we feel safe and accepted by our family members, knowing that if we make a mistake or say something out of turn, they will still love us. This is why we might be quicker to react and take our stress out on family members. Lashing out at family members might feel safer or familiar, which can lead to lashing out unfairly.
Stress is a normal human reaction to triggering events. Stress lessens our patience and can build up. When stress builds up, in combination with any underlying personal issues, we become more likely to lash out.
Another reason we might be quick to lash out at home is due to emotional displacement. Displacement is typically an unconscious coping mechanism in which a person deflects their emotional reactions from the rightful person onto someone else.
Let’s look at a fictional example to better understand emotional displacement. Amber’s partner, Todd, had a really hard day at work today. Later that night, when Todd comes home, Amber asks Todd how his day was. Without thinking, Todd lashes out at Amber, saying, “Why do you even care, you wouldn’t understand anyway?”
Todd isn’t truly upset with Amber. He has unresolved feelings about being belittled earlier that day. Todd is unintentionally placing his anger onto Amber because he feels safe around her.
Common signs you’re stuck in this pattern
- Irritability or snapping at loved ones
- Withdrawing or becoming emotionally unavailable
- Feeling guilty after arguments
- Not knowing why you’re upset until after you lash out
- Avoiding hard conversations
It’s important to first understand how stress manifests in ways we wouldn’t assume. Family members can sense when others feel tense or stressed. Children, spouses or other family members can begin to carry the weight of your stress, which can harbor negative feelings. There can still be a major emotional impact on the family members that you lash out at, even if you don’t mean to.
5 ways to break the stress-lashing cycle
Identify your triggers in the moment
The first step to monitoring your stress and reactions is to identify what stresses you out. Is it financial pressures, meeting demands at work or relationship issues?
After identifying your triggers, try to identify what things you can control and what you cannot control. For example, if you’re stressed out about meeting your work demands, focus on what you can do. You can do the best you can when it comes to your work, and you cannot control the reactions or responses of others.
Practice pausing before you respond
One way to practice taking a pause is through the practice of mindfulness and meditation. If you’re new to mindfulness, it can seem overwhelming at first. But anyone can receive the benefits that come from mindfulness. These benefits include feeling more grounded and creating more calm in your life, which helps to reduce your stress.
Name your feelings before reacting
Are you feeling sad, stressed, irritable or anxious, for example? Labeling your emotions is a way of practicing mindfulness. Sitting with what you are feeling is a form of emotional regulation and self-awareness. After naming your feelings, try to identify new strategies that might help you cope with your stress. For example, you might take a short walk to clear your head or call a friend when you need support.
Use healthy outlets to release your stress
Taking a break and allowing yourself to engage in a self-care activity that is beneficial to you is key to fostering a more positive perspective. Maybe you have free time, where you can make time for a hobby you enjoy. This could be reading, journaling, completing a craft or even taking a bubble bath. The most important part is that you are taking time for yourself to recuperate and regulate your feelings.
Communicate with compassion and repair
If stress levels are high, try to engage in a mindset shift. Acknowledge that you might be feeling stressed out right now, then you consciously shift it into a more positive and productive way of thinking.
A mindset shift can boost your emotional communication skills by encouraging empathy toward your family members. Learning how to communicate effectively can be a great tool for managing stress.
Different things will work for each family. For example, maybe your family starts scheduling family meetings each week to emphasize relying on mutual support between all family members.
How Lightfully’s vPHP helps with emotional regulation
If you’re looking for additional support managing your stress levels, do not be afraid to reach out. At Lightfully, our clinicians take a unique approach to mental health treatment, using evidence-based and data-driven approaches.
Our Precision Care Model (PCM) is the framework on which our four levels of care and various treatment programs are built. PCM centers on four core processes that drive mental health symptoms, like those contributing to stress and lashing out.
- Difficulty with emotions
- Difficulty with thoughts
- Difficulty with behaviors
- Difficulty with relationships
In a program such as a Virtual Partial Hospitalization Program (vPHP), you will receive a fully personalized framework using the most effective aspects of therapeutic approaches. This includes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). CBT and DBT can support emotional awareness and behavior change using trauma-informed care. Our deeply compassionate experts can help you better understand your emotions and develop healthier coping strategies while staying connected to your family.
You’re not alone — and you don’t have to navigate this alone either. Reach out now to explore the compassionate support Lightfully offers through our Precision Care Model.
