It’s natural to feel self-conscious from time to time, especially when you’re a teenager. In fact, the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital Poll reported that two-thirds of parents with children ages 8-18 say their child is insecure about some aspect of their appearance. As up to 95% of teens use social media, they face societal pressures to be perfect. Negative self-talk can cause you, or any teen, to ask, “Why am I so ugly?” But the truth is everyone faces self-doubt, and it doesn’t have to define you.

By becoming aware of your thoughts and reframing negative beliefs into positive ones, you can take control. At Lightfully, our licensed clinical therapists help teens just like you combat self-criticism and build self-esteem in our Teen programs. 

Don’t let critical thoughts keep you from feeling confident about yourself. Explore our five steps to stop negative self-talk below.

5 steps to combat negative self-talk

Fighting negative thoughts might seem like an uphill battle, but the right strategies can help you overcome this challenge. You can practice the following steps to learn how to turn negative self-talk into positive reinforcement.

1. Become aware of your thoughts.

The first step to fighting negative self-talk is catching it when it happens. Identifying a self-critical thought early can help prevent it from spiraling out of control. Journaling is a great way to become more aware of your thoughts. If you notice that you’re thinking, “Why am I so ugly?,” you can pause and write it down. This simple step can help stop negative thinking in its tracks. Journaling can also help you identify what situations trigger negative self-talk, so you can learn to regulate your emotions. You can also use journaling as a way to track your progress as you combat these thoughts and replace them with positive ones. 

2. Challenge negative beliefs.

It’s common for teens to feel critical of themselves from time to time, but you can challenge the thoughts that cause you to feel this way. When you identify a negative thought like “Why am I so ugly?,” you can ask yourself some of the following questions:

• What evidence do I have that this is true?
• Would I say this to a friend?
• Am I thinking about one flaw and ignoring what’s great about me?

When you challenge your negative thoughts, you will often find that they’re not true. Instead of automatically thinking the worst about yourself, you may remember why your friends like being around you, all the things you’re good at and what makes you unique. 

3. Turn negative thoughts into positive statements.

When a negative thought comes up, you have a golden opportunity to turn it into a positive one. It’s also a great way to remind yourself of your strengths. Instead of thinking, “I’m ugly,” you can try saying, “I’m beautiful,” or “I’m learning to appreciate my unique style.” When you start to think more positively, you may often find that you start to feel better, too. You can practice this strategy by writing down positive thoughts in a journal or on sticky notes to remind you of your strengths. Small changes like these can make a big difference in your self-esteem over time.

4. Practice self-care.

Taking care of yourself helps combat negative thinking. When you prioritize your self-care over self-criticism, you’re letting yourself know that you’re worth being kind to. 

Examples of self-care include:

• Getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly
• Taking time to do the hobbies you enjoy
• Practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing

Improving your well-being can also strengthen your emotional resilience and confidence. With regular self-care, you can fight negative thoughts and feel better about yourself.

5. Talk to someone you trust.

Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend, family member or therapist can help you see someone else’s perspective. They can let you know that your negative thoughts are worries rather than the truth and can give you the support you need. Even saying your thoughts out loud is helpful. It can lighten the emotional load you’re carrying and relieve your stress. Someone else may also be able to more easily identify the patterns of when your negative thoughts appear. Knowing this can help you fight self-criticism more effectively. 

Combat negative self-talk with expert support at Lightfully 

If your self-criticism is severe or getting worse, it’s OK to reach out for help. At Lightfully, we use a whole-person-centered care approach to address the cause of your negative self-talk. Our licensed clinical therapists have helped many teens get to the bottom of this pattern while sharing effective strategies that can break this cycle. Lightfully’s deeply compassionate experts are here to support you and help you feel better. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, talk to your parents or guardian about reaching out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.