Our society has collectively taken some big strides forward in taking the shame out of struggling with mental health. As an individual, though, it can still be intimidating to open up about your challenges for the first time. If you don’t have any great role models for this kind of thing, it can be hard to know where to begin. Recognizing when it’s time to let someone in and share how you’re feeling is a sign of growth. It also takes some skill to connect on a deep level and get a conversation going. 

The first step is figuring out who you can trust to be there for you in these vulnerable moments. You’ll want to find a friend or loved one who can take your concerns seriously and provide the kind of support or feedback you’re looking for. It’s also important to know that they can keep your private matters to themselves — friends are not held to the same confidentiality rules as licensed clinicians who have legal and ethical guidelines. Before you reach out, take some time to identify what you want to share with them and what you’re hoping to get out of the conversation.

When you feel ready, or when the burden gets too heavy to carry on your own, there are a few different ways to let someone know you need to have a heart-to-heart. Read on for five ways to start a conversation about mental health with someone in your life:

• Ask if they’re emotionally available — Depending on what you want to talk about and the relationship you have with your confidant, it may be appropriate to open things up by asking for permission to share. This would sound something like, “I’ve been struggling with XYZ. Do you have the capacity to talk about this right now?” This might make sense if the topic feels pretty heavy or serious but you have a pretty close relationship with this person or you spend a lot of time together. It’s also helpful if the person is such a good listener that they sometimes get burnt out from always being the go-to support person. It gives them permission to set any boundaries they need to for their own well-being. 
• Give them a heads-up — If you’re in need of some serious emotional support or you need to talk with someone about your relationship, you might want to set aside some dedicated time. Give them an idea of what you want to talk about so they can prepare. Find a time that works for both of you, and consider choosing a neutral but private location so you won’t be interrupted. 
• Start with a text — If asking for help in person is too much, it’s perfectly OK to send a text message. You can use the first two suggestions to see if they can text with you about your concerns or ask them to talk in person or over the phone. 
• Describe what’s happening — When you’ve got the time and the other person is ready to listen, you can share what’s on your mind. Start by describing the thoughts, feelings, behaviors or interpersonal difficulties you’re facing. It may be easiest to start with the most simple and straightforward facts and then go into details as necessary. 
• Be honest about how you’re feeling in the moment — Most people feel a bit anxious or uncomfortable when they need to be vulnerable. Your trusted friend or loved one can probably relate. Let them know what you’re feeling so they can meet you right where you are. You could say something like, “I’m a little anxious to share something so personal” or “I don’t know how to say this so I’ll do my best.” Remember, you don’t have to say it perfectly on your first try.

Explore mental health topics in depth at Lightfully

It’s hard to have these conversations when you don’t know what a productive and supportive conversation about mental health sounds like. Talking with a licensed clinical therapist and participating in a support group are two great ways to build up your communication skills in this area. Check out your local resources or explore virtual options for support groups and therapy.

At Lightfully, we provide primary mental health care. Our services are a bit more comprehensive than outpatient therapy. We offer four levels of treatment that combine different types of therapy and medication to give our clients the personalized care they need. If you’re curious about higher levels of mental health care, our Short-Term Option is a great way to see what it’s like.

Are you looking to speak with a licensed clinician or take a mental health assessment? Contact us today. Let’s talk about your mental health.