When your teen is struggling with depression, it can feel like they’ve suddenly become quiet and closed off. Maybe they stay in bed for hours, ignore texts from friends or lose interest in things they used to love. This situation is not uncommon. Data shows that around 1 in 5 adolescents aged 12 to 17 have experienced major depression.
As a parent, you’re probably wracking your brain trying to come up with things to help. While your support can be vital, pushing too hard can backfire. The truth is, motivation doesn’t come from force. It comes from connection, safety and small steps. Your guidance can make a big difference, and the way you show up for your teen matters. With the right approach, you can help motivate your teen to address their depression while honoring their pace and emotional state.
How to motivate a teenager with depression: 6 gentle tips
- Lead with empathy — When depression takes hold, even simple tasks can feel exhausting. It’s important to empathize with your teen’s condition when you talk to them. Instead of asking, “Why aren’t you doing anything?” try, “I’ve noticed things seem harder for you lately. Want to talk about it?” This kind of approach invites your teen into a safe space instead of placing blame or creating pressure. By showing that you want to understand their experience, you can become someone your teen can trust. Motivation often comes easier when someone feels seen, not judged.
- Focus on small wins — For a teen with depression, the idea of “getting better” can feel way too big. Instead of telling your teen you want them to stop being depressed, try breaking things down into bite-sized steps. Celebrate small efforts like getting out of bed, taking a shower or texting a friend back. For example, you might say, “Getting up today was a win. I’m proud of you.” Small wins build confidence and show your teen they are making progress, even if it’s not at your ideal pace.
- Offer, don’t order — The way you phrase things can make a huge difference. Instead of telling your teen what they should be doing, try offering support and choices. Try phrasing suggestions as questions. For example, “Would it help if we took a walk together?” or “Is there something small we could do today that might make you feel a little better?” These gentle offers show your teen that, while you want to help, they also have control. Since depression often makes people feel like they’ve lost control, helping your teen regain a sense of agency can be a big deal.
- Be consistent — Your teen may say they don’t want your help. Sometimes, they might even seem angry or shut down when you try. That’s not because they don’t care. It’s because depression often makes people feel unworthy of care or connection. When your teen pushes you away, it’s important to be consistent without being overbearing. You might gently show your continued support by leaving a kind note on your teen’s desk or asking how their day went. The key is to be steady and supportive without pushing for more than they can give.
- Use their interests — Depression often makes people lose interest in things they used to enjoy. While depression may mute your teen’s passion, finding gentle ways to engage your teen in activities they love may help spark motivation. You might try rewatching one of your teen’s favorite movies, for example. If your teen used to spend their free time making art, you might suggest a low-pressure art activity like doodling for half an hour. Remember, you’re not trying to “fix” your teen’s mood. These activities won’t necessarily make your teen stop feeling sad. However, they might remind your teen of things they used to enjoy and could enjoy again. Regaining interest in old hobbies can be a key motivator for your teen to work toward improving their mental health.
- Let them know it’s OK to need help — Your teen might feel ashamed or afraid about asking for help. They may not know what therapy is like, or they might think needing treatment means they are weak or something is wrong with them. You can help ease those fears by being open, calm and reassuring. You could try saying something like: “Getting support doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It means you’re strong enough to want to feel better.” Let your teen know that you’ll support them in any efforts to get treatment, whether that’s individual psychotherapy or a more comprehensive treatment program.
Watching your teen struggle with depression is one of the hardest things a parent can face. It’s natural to want to help your teen find a way forward. Fortunately, you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re looking for extra support or want to learn more about how treatment can help, Lightfully Teen is here to help you every step of the way. We offer multiple levels of care designed to help teens with different needs.
Change is possible. When your teen is ready to get help with their depression, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of your teen.
