8 Clear Signs It’s Time to Set Boundaries (and How to Do It With Confidence)
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Everyone has their limits. When you’re doing too much work, or emotional labor, or exposed to conditions and behaviors that upset you, your mental health and your physical well-being may suffer. 

For you, it might look like stress and burnout. In some situations, you might feel ignored, invisible or unwanted in your relationships. When you’re around people who push your boundaries consistently, one of the biggest telltale signs is a feeling of resentment.

Boundaries are like rules or intentions you create to keep yourself safe and protect your body, your energy, and your feelings. Recognizing your natural limits is the first step toward setting healthy boundaries

If you were never taught that you deserve to have personal boundaries, it can feel like you’re being selfish or demanding, but that’s not true. Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, and it’s a life skill that supports your overall well-being.

Setting healthy boundaries isn’t about building walls to keep others out. It’s about creating clear pathways for genuine connection while honoring your own needs and values.

In this article, we’ll talk a bit about what healthy boundaries look like, then outline eight signs it’s time to set some new boundaries in a relationship and give you step-by-step instructions on how to do so.

What do healthy boundaries actually look like?

Healthy boundaries help you stay grounded, safe, and connected to yourself. They fall into a few key categories

  • Emotional boundaries protect your feelings and energy.
  • Physical and sexual boundaries safeguard your comfort, space and touch preferences.
  • Material and financial boundaries help you manage your money and belongings responsibly.
  • Time boundaries ensure you maintain a sustainable schedule and protect your mental energy.
  • Digital/technology boundaries help you to maintain privacy as well as being mindful of social media use.

If your boundaries are too porous, that means they aren’t being enforced effectively. If your boundaries are too rigid, that means you don’t ever allow any exceptions, even when the situation calls for it. 

Healthy boundaries are somewhere in between rigid and porous. It takes some judgment to determine when you should bend the rules — for instance, your boundaries around privacy and touch might not apply when you go to the doctor. 

8 signs it’s time to establish stronger boundaries in a relationship

Your emotions, stress level and physical health may all send you signals when you’re nearing or past your limits. Difficulties in your relationships with yourself and others can also result from a lack of boundaries. If you have a hard time recognizing what your needs and preferences are, or if it’s hard to speak up and let people know, porous boundaries may be a part of the problem.

If you’ve noticed any of the following eight signs of unhealthy boundaries, it may be time to reflect on your needs and start a new boundary-setting practice.

  • Feeling resentful or burnt out
  • Constantly saying “yes” when you want to say “no”
  • Experiencing anxiety before interactions with certain people
  • Physical symptoms of stress after certain encounters
  • Feeling like your needs always come last
  • Difficulty expressing your true feelings
  • Significant shifts in your mood based on others’ actions
  • Difficulty identifying your own wants and needs

How to set boundaries with confidence

Setting boundaries is a skill that takes some learning and practice. Here are some steps you can follow that can help you set healthy boundaries: 

  • Get in touch with yourself

You can start by getting in touch with yourself and trust your instincts. Taking some time to get away from the hustle and bustle of your relationships may help you reconnect. Reflect on the things in your life that are causing you stress and the things that might be missing. 

  • Start small

Try to identify small boundaries you can set that can make a big difference in your life. It’s best to begin with one or two new boundaries at first.

  • Practice what to say

Plan out some ways you can tell other people about your boundaries and practice saying them out loud. Be clear and specific, and try to approach these exercises with compassion for yourself and others. Use “I” statements to talk about the impact on you rather than accusing or criticizing the other person. 

  • Anticipate resistance

Consider what you’ll say if others resist your new boundaries. You might talk through some different options with them and try to agree on something that will make you both happy. Or you might let them know that your relationship is a priority and that your boundaries will allow you to keep showing up for that person. 

  • Prepare a follow-up

You can’t control another person’s actions. Decide how you’ll respond if they refuse to respect your boundaries.

How Lightfully supports boundary setting in mental health treatment

Setting healthy boundaries isn’t about building walls to keep others out. It’s about creating clear pathways for genuine connection while honoring your own needs and values. Mental health is something you have to create proactively, and boundaries are a helpful tool. We talk about boundary setting a lot in our comprehensive mental health care programs. 

Treatment at Lightfully supports four core life processes that may involve boundary setting: your thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships. We help each person develop an awareness of their needs and their limits, and then we work on skill-building and help you create your personalized self-care plan.

If you’re ever looking for proactive mental health care that goes above and beyond outpatient therapy, please contact us. We can help you create a foundation for sustainable mental wellness that includes strong, healthy boundaries.

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