Sometimes, the people we love most are the ones who create the most stress in our lives. It’s not always about conflict — maybe your partner has a dangerous job that makes you worry about them. Or maybe their stress is starting to affect you. Whatever’s going on, you’ll need to identify it before you can take steps to address it. 

Depending on the source of your stress, you might need to manage your feelings or share how you’re feeling with your partner so they can be considerate. Or it may be something you need to work through together. 

Even the healthiest relationships can be stressful from time to time. When you bring up things that are bothering you, it can be an opportunity to grow closer together. These conversations can help you set a tone for dealing with tougher conflicts in the future. Do you both feel safe bringing up potential issues? How can you do so in a way that’s both respectful and productive? Is there an expectation that you both have needs and you respect each other’s mental health?

The following are nine healthy ways you can deal with occasional stress from your romantic relationship:

• Get your feelings out — Pent-up emotions take a lot of energy to suppress; they can be a huge source of stress and impact your physical health. What activities have helped you work through tough emotions in the past? What do you need to feel safe enough to get vulnerable? You might need to do some physical activity, talk with a friend or consider seeing a therapist.
• Identify your stressors and talk about them with your partner — Are there certain things your partner does that bother you? Is it a dynamic between you or a fear you have about something that might happen? Try to pinpoint the specific source of your stress so you can talk with your partner about it. Set aside some time to talk and let them know there’s something you want to share. Make sure it doesn’t come across as an accusation.
• Make sure you feel heard and seen — Feeling seen and heard by someone else can feel like a great relief. It doesn’t always have to be with your partner. You might talk with a trusted friend or a therapist. One good thing about seeing a therapist is that they have to keep your information confidential and they have a professional code of ethics.
• Set aside time for yourself — Do you have any time in your schedule that’s just for you? Making time to work on a hobby or get some deep relaxation can take the pressure off your relationships. When you’re calm and refreshed, you don’t need to rely on your partner to help you feel your best. You can spend time with them because you want to, not because you need something from them. 
• Make plans with your friends — It’s good to have your own social life outside of the mutual friends whom you hang out with together. Make plans with your friends regularly and do the things your partner may not want to do with you. 
• Have regular check-ins — To avoid the ominous “we need to talk,” consider setting aside some time with your partner about once a month to focus on your relationship. You might review some highs and lows of the previous month and problem-solve together. This is also a good time to talk about boundaries and goals.
• Discuss boundaries with your partner — Speaking of boundaries, you and your partner should both have boundaries to protect your needs and your sanity. Boundary discussions can sometimes feel like “asserting yourself” or starting a conflict. Ideally, boundaries should help create stability in your relationship. Talk with your partner about the purpose of your boundaries. Let them know that when you ask for what you need, it’s not personal.
• Remind yourself what you love about your partner — When you’re really frazzled, it’s important to note why that is and take steps to address your stress. There isn’t always a clear solution, and in many cases, it will take time to improve. Reflecting on what makes it all worthwhile can help you maintain a positive outlook. Just try to keep things in perspective and remember that relationships are a choice, not an obligation. 
• Consider seeing a therapist — If your relationship is consistently stressing you out, a therapist may be able to help. Depending on what’s bothering you, you may decide to go by yourself or together. Starting with an individual therapist can help you get a grasp on what’s happening and what steps might help relieve your stress. 

Finding ways to manage your stress and maintain healthy relationships are both critical for your mental health. Balancing your well-being with your relationship is challenging, but it is necessary if you want to stay together for a long time. Your partner should understand that you both have needs. When you feel fulfilled, you can show up as your best selves. 

Each person needs a unique set of skills to navigate their life. At Lightfully, our licensed clinicians help people develop their relationship skills along with skills to manage their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. We offer higher levels of mental health care to help you through your most challenging moments.

Is your relationship significantly impacting your mental health? Let’s talk about it. Please contact us and let us know what’s going on. We can help you find out if one of our programs is a good fit and start planning your next steps.