Parents spend the first 18 years of their children’s lives caring for them, raising them and loving them. When a child leaves home to start life on their own, that’s a big adjustment for parents to make. It can take a toll on your physical and mental health. If you have more than one adult child, watching the last one spread their wings and fly can be particularly hard. This is where the term “empty nest” comes from. 

It’s common to feel a mix of different emotions during this time. Most parents will feel some grief and loss. Anxiety, pride, and uncertainty about who you are or what you want to do next are also understandable. Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is the first step toward finding closure and starting your next chapter. 

In this blog post, we’ll outline seven coping strategies that can help you deal with depression and other emotions that may come up after your child has left for college.

7 coping strategies for empty nesters 

If your emotions are spilling over into other parts of your life, or if you feel like your entire world is changing, you’re not alone. You are experiencing a type of loss. Your days probably look very different now than they did before your child left. On top of processing how this will affect your life, you’ll also have the emotional impact to deal with. We feel emotions with our whole bodies, and significant changes can trigger all kinds of reactions. 

Having some anxiety or depression symptoms is a normal response to this transition. These coping strategies are a good place to start. They aren’t a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need someone to talk to, consider reaching out to a therapist.

Try the following coping strategies to manage depression and other feelings that come up after your child has left for college:

• Establish new communication routines with your child — Now that they’re on their own, your child will have different boundaries and communication preferences. Your relationship may look different, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a high priority. Talk with them about the best times to call or text. If you want them to keep you updated on certain things in their life, let them know. 
• Create new traditions and rituals — If you’re missing certain routines and rituals, you might consider making a new standing arrangement. Maybe it’s meeting up for pizza once a week or getting your hair done together. Or maybe you go to your favorite vacation spot once or twice a year. Talk about how you’ll handle the holidays and explore some other ways to spend quality time together.
• Practice self-care and mindfulness — While you’re going through this transition, taking care of yourself should be a priority. This can be hard if you’re used to putting others first. Take regular time to reflect on your needs and your routines. Try to identify what depletes your energy and what makes you feel good. Consider starting up a new yoga practice or learning other mindfulness techniques.
• Acknowledge and process feelings — Resisting or suppressing your feelings won’t make them go away. Allowing yourself to feel some discomfort now can help you work through those feelings and make them more manageable. Think about activities that have helped you process your feelings in the past. Maybe going for walks and getting some movement works for you. Or you might do some journaling or creative projects. Give yourself space to be sad, upset, angry — whatever you’re feeling right now.
• Reconnect with personal interests and goals — Revisiting some of your interests can help you feel a sense of purpose. It can also be a good distraction. What hobbies and passions did you enjoy once upon a time? Now could be a good time to dust off your kayak, find some new volunteering opportunities or write that book you’ve always wanted to write.
• Strengthen relationships with your partner and friends — It may seem like your kids growing up has left a void in your life. They will always be your kids. However, you might need to rekindle some other relationships to feel connected. Call up some of your old friends or plan more quality time with your partner.
• Consider new opportunities for personal growth — Challenges in life are often opportunities in disguise. This could be the beginning of a new era of personal growth. What are some ways you can engage in reflection or self-discovery? Could you take a class related to one of your interests? If you’re feeling overwhelmed or concerned about your mental health, it could be a good time to find a therapist. 

The bright side of an empty nest

The first few weeks of waking up to an empty house will be tough. However, with time, you’ll start to discover some silver linings. You’ll have more time to focus on your relationships with your partner and yourself. You can reconnect with old friends and do the things you didn’t have time for as a full-time parent. You can also enjoy the reward of seeing your children thrive as independent adults. Empty nest syndrome isn’t just about loss — it’s also about discovering new aspects of yourself and your relationships.

If you’re having trouble coping on your own, or if your feelings of grief continue for more than a few weeks, you might need some additional support. Talking with an outpatient therapist may help. If this transition is affecting your ability to function, you may benefit from a higher level of treatment. At Lightfully, we offer four levels of care to meet your needs every step of the way.

This transition marks both an ending and a new beginning. When you’re ready to explore strategies for navigating this change, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll help you discover the opportunities this new chapter holds.