Anger has a way of showing up very quickly, and it can be hard to stop yourself from reacting in ways you might regret later. Often when people feel extreme anger, it’s not just the triggering event that provokes them — it may bring old feelings from past experiences to the surface. They may be feeling years’ worth of rage bubbling up all at once. Conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and even depression and anxiety can make people feel more irritable. You may also have developed trouble with your anger from poor coping mechanisms or learned behaviors.

If a loved one is having a hard time reining in their behavior in fits of anger, it can impact your sense of safety, your peace of mind and your relationship. You can show your support by listening and trying to empathize with them. Setting boundaries is also a critical way to protect your relationship. If a loved one is having a hard time managing their behavior in fits of anger, it can have a significant impact on your sense of safety, peace of mind and relationship. You can show your support by listening and trying to empathize with them. If you are concerned about your safety, it’s important to seek help from a professional. A therapist can help you to build coping skills and create a safety plan. You can also reach out to a domestic violence hotline for additional support. By seeking support, you can create a safer environment for yourself and your loved one.

You deserve to be treated with respect, and letting your loved one know when they’re crossing a line will help them learn to take responsibility for their anger. You can’t do this work for someone else, but you can support them with love and compassion. 

In this blog post, we’ll discuss eight ways you can support a loved one in coping with their anger.

How can I support a loved one who’s dealing with anger issues?

You and your loved one will need to have a calm and honest conversation about their anger and how it’s affecting your relationship. Hear them out and listen without judging. If they feel they’re being attacked or criticized, they won’t be very receptive to what you have to say. You should, however, be honest about how their behavior makes you feel. Make sure you have the time and space to care for your emotions so you won’t be contributing to their anger. Recognize when you feel like you’re being pushed past your limit and maintain your boundaries for the benefit of your relationship. 

Ask what they’re doing to work on their anger and how you can help. Give them space when they need to care for their emotions as well. You might help them identify their triggers or explore any resources that are available. Mindfulness practices and therapy may be helpful if they’re open to trying them. 

8 ways you can support a loved one in coping with their anger

It will take patience, understanding and some willpower to maintain your relationship while your loved one is working on their anger. The best way to help is to manage your own behavior by caring for your emotions and setting boundaries so your safety and peace of mind aren’t compromised. This way, you can assert yourself without being hostile and respond with care and compassion in heated moments. 

Try taking these steps to care for your loved one who’s coping with anger:

• Care for your emotions first — What do you need to feel calm, cool and collected? Consider creating your own daily practice to keep yourself grounded or getting into the habit of taking breaks when you notice your own anger or impatience ramping up. 
• Don’t escalate — This is why tip number 1 is essential. Cultivating your own mindfulness will help you slow down and respond thoughtfully when your loved one shows their anger. When you talk with them, ask how they’d like you to respond in these moments. You can calmly ask them not to direct their anger at you or suggest that they take a break to do whatever activity helps them process their anger. Maybe it’s going for a walk or doing breathing exercises. 
• Hear them out — When your loved one is feeling calm, let them know you care about them and you’d like to understand what’s going on from their perspective. Then listen without judging them. If they open up and share their true feelings with you, thank them for their honesty. If you can relate, tell them they’re not alone. This is also a good time to ask what you can do to help in moments when their anger is getting the best of them.
• Set and maintain healthy boundaries — If your loved one puts you in a situation where you’re feeling disrespected or unsafe, let them know. Instead of making accusations, point out how you feel when they display certain behaviors. Do what you need to do to protect yourself, and be clear about what actions you’ll take if it happens again.
• Help them identify their triggers — Understanding what sets off their anger will help your loved one prepare for these moments or avoid them whenever possible. If they’re open to your help with this, talk through some recent times when they’ve felt angry or acted out. Help them identify what it was that made them angry and some reasons why. This might give you some clues about steps they can take to manage their emotions.
• Help them explore their resources — Does your loved one know what tools and resources are available to them? If they want your help, search for online resources and anger management groups in your area. 
• Give them space — There will be times when your loved one needs to work through their feelings on their own. After their anger is triggered, give them the space they need to care for themselves and then talk about things when you’re both feeling calm.
• Encourage them to see a therapist — You shouldn’t be the only person helping your loved one with their anger. They’ll need other people in their support network. Ask them if they’ve thought about seeing a therapist. Find out what their thoughts are and talk through any concerns they have. Maybe they need to learn a bit more about what to expect during therapy sessions. 

Lightfully helps individuals and families coping with anger

The best type of professional support for your loved one will depend on what’s causing their angry behavior and its severity. For some people, an anger management group and outpatient therapy may be helpful. If your loved one is experiencing a severe mental health condition, they may need a higher level of care. That’s what we do at Lightfully. 

We use our Precision Care Model to create individualized treatment plans that put people first. We don’t put our clients in boxes based on their diagnosis — we help people with processes that help them care for themselves as individuals. Family therapy is an integral part of each one of our programs. We help our clients’ families learn how they can support their loved one during their treatment. We also have virtual treatment options that make it possible to get intensive mental health treatment from home. 

Showing your loved one you care enough to work through this hard time with them will speak volumes. However, you have to make sure both of you are getting your needs met. If you have any questions about treatment, please contact us. We’re here to help.