Anxiety can take many forms. In general, anxiety is associated with symptoms like fear, panic and stress. In some cases, it involves fears and worries about specific parts of life. Social anxiety is one example of this. 

Social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition with symptoms triggered by social interactions. Unlike general shyness or nervousness, this disorder causes persistent fear and avoidant behaviors that can interfere with daily life. People with social anxiety tend to excessively worry about social situations and interpersonal relationships. Social anxiety can make you feel like you’re always being judged by others. In some cases, it can lead to panic attacks in social settings. If you are a teen who has social anxiety, you’re not alone. Almost 10% of adolescents experience social anxiety disorder, research shows. Fortunately, anxiety can be managed with additional treatment. Your social anxiety doesn’t have to get in the way of meaningful friendships.

If you have trouble making friends due to social anxiety, there are ways you can make it easier to form friendships. Each strategy on this list is geared toward teens who want to build friendships without being hindered by their social anxiety.

4 ways to overcome social anxiety and build friendships

• Start small — People with social anxiety often overthink social interactions. Each interaction can seem so important that it feels paralyzing. If you struggle to make connections due to social anxiety, start small. Starting in a comfortable, low-stress environment can help you manage your anxiety. Rather than trying to make friends in chaotic large-scale social settings, you may feel more comfortable in less intense social settings like after-school clubs and small extracurricular classes. If you like to write, for example, you could find a teen writing group in your area. In addition to having a small number of people, activities like this provide common ground. When you’re surrounded by people who share similar interests, breaking the ice might be a lot easier.
• Set realistic goals — Setting realistic friendship goals for yourself is important. If your goals are too lofty, you may feel demotivated by friendships that take time to form and grow. Be sure to tell yourself that lifelong friendships don’t typically start overnight. It’s OK for a friendship to strengthen over time. You can also work on focusing less on how many friendships you have and more on how rich the friendships you have or are creating are. Social anxiety can sometimes make people feel like they need to be friends with everyone. Any missed connections or less friendly relationships may feel like failures. It’s important to remind yourself that you don’t have to be everyone’s friend. Even one or two close friendships can be very meaningful and fulfilling.
• Practice with people you already trust — Social anxiety can make even simple, straightforward social interactions challenging. When you are trying to branch out and make new friends, it can help to practice at home with people you already trust first. You can have practice conversations with your parents or with a brother or sister. Introduce yourself as if you have never met. Ask questions about your family member’s life and interests. By practicing the first steps of meeting someone, you can boost your confidence in your social skills. This can help you take the initiative to strike up conversations and connect with your peers.
• Promote authenticity — Anxiety often comes with negative thoughts and low self-esteem. If you are having a hard time liking yourself, you may try to change your personality around others. This can make it hard for you to build meaningful friendships because you’re not being your authentic self. You can also work with someone you trust — a family member, current friend or therapist — to learn how to challenge negative thoughts about yourself. Part of this work may include encouraging yourself to practice positive thinking, self-compassion and self-acceptance. That way you can go into trying to form new friendships with the understanding that you don’t have to perform to be liked. Authenticity can also make it easier to connect with others who share similar values and interests. And you’re more likely to have an easier time forming friendships with such people. 

Lightfully Teen can help you learn to socialize without anxiety getting in the way. We take a unique approach to mental health treatment called Precision Care Model (PCM). PCM is a compassionate and fully personalized treatment plan designed just for each individual teen, using the most effective aspects of evidence-based treatments to target the drivers behind mental health disorders and symptoms. With comprehensive treatment offered at multiple levels of care, our licensed clinical experts work to ensure that each client gets the support they need.

Change is possible. Are you ready to take the first step? Reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.

If you want to learn more about addressing teen social anxiety, you can keep following the “Social Anxiety & Friendships” series on our blog.