Why holiday spending can be a stressful topic

In 2024, holiday spending increased by 8%, a reminder that many people feel pressure to spend more during the holidays. While some of the increase in holiday spending is tied to increased economic confidence, rising prices and inflation, a lot of it is emotional too. 

The holiday season is meant to be joyful, but sometimes it comes with expectations related to gifts, gatherings, and a pressure to spend and buy more to “make it perfect.” If you notice that a loved one tends to increase their spending during the holiday season, you are not alone. 

Talking about money can feel awkward or overwhelming. These conversations often bring up anxiety, frustration, guilt, or fear – especially during times of economic uncertainty. When emotions are high and money feels uncertain, holiday spending conversations can be hard—but they don’t have to be hurtful. Healthy communication can help, and it starts with you. Here are some signs that it might be time to have a supportive conversation with someone you care about: 

Signs that holiday spending is impacting your mental health 

• You are avoiding telling others about all the purchases you’re making out of guilt related to overspending.

• You are getting into fights with partners or family about money.

• You are feeling guilt after buying gifts or overspending.

• You are feeling responsible for “making the holidays perfect.”

6 healthy ways to start a holiday spending conversation

• Choose the right moment 

Timing matters. Try not to bring up finances during a family gathering, in public, or during an argument. Instead, choose a private time when both of you feel open and grounded. You’re more likely to be heard, and to hear each other when everyone feels comfortable.

• Lead with curiosity, not blame 

Start by asking questions, not making accusations. Saying, “can we talk about what we’re comfortable spending this year?” sounds better than “why did you spend so much?” You’re more likely to have a productive conversation if it feels like a collaboration, instead of a confrontation.

• Use “I” statements 

“I feel anxious about your overspending” invites empathy over defensiveness. “I” statements express how you feel without assigning blame. They invite empathy from the other party, and reduce defensiveness. 

• Talk about shared values 

If your loved one feels like they have to spend more to show their love, focus on meaning, not just money. Reassure your loved one that connection doesn’t have to mean expensive gifts. Quality time, handmade gifts, and even boundaries are still heartfelt ways of expressing your love and gratitude to someone.

• Be honest about set boundaries 

Boundaries are a form of love, not a rejection. If a spending pattern is causing you stress, it’s okay to say so. By communicating boundaries clearly and kindly, it builds trust, not resentment.

• Agree on a plan 

If the conversation goes well, take the next step by creating a shared plan of action. Creating a plan is a tangible way for your loved one to hold themselves accountable. It also creates a second layer of accountability, allowing you to support and reinforce their commitment. 

How Lightfully helps people navigate emotional triggers

At Lightfully, we understand that money issues go deeper than just dollars. That’s why we take a unique approach to treatment called Precision Care Model (PCM), a compassionate and fully personalized treatment plan designed just for you. These treatment plans use the most effective aspects of evidence-based treatments. The framework of everything we do consists of clearly defined, data-driven and whole-person-centered care provided by deeply compassionate experts.  

Our PCM targets four core mental health drivers that the holidays often stir up: the emotional, relational, and behavioral roots of financial stress. That’s why we offer different levels of structured care, depending on what kind of support and guidance you are looking for, including: 

• Residential Treatment (RTC) – This level of care will provide you with 24-hour full time care, weekly sessions with a therapist, and a weekly session with a psychiatrist. 
• Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) – Our IOP provides clients with 3-6 hours of structured programming daily, and a weekly session with a therapist. 
• Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) – Our PHP is also known as our Day Treatment program, which provides 6-7 hours of scheduled daytime care. 
• Virtual Intensive Outpatient Programs and Virtual Partial Hospitalization Programs (vIOPs and vPHPs) – These treatment programs can help with emotional regulation skills, relationship support, and practical tools for setting boundaries and communication.  

Let the holidays be about connection, not conflict

Money stress and financial worries don’t have to take over your holiday season. By implementing some of the tips from above, you can prepare to have a conversation with your loved one about their holiday shopping spending increase. Healthy conversations can help bring you closer, not further apart. 

You’re not alone. Our therapists work to support you with the skills you need to navigate emotional triggers and difficult conversations with care. 

Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of you.