Emotional abuse of children and teens is an underrecognized issue that can continue to cause pain throughout the life span. There’s some truth to the notion that “children are resilient,” but there’s also a lot happening below the surface that others don’t see. Emotional abuse can lead to chronic mental health conditions like dissociative disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

Surviving an abusive childhood will push teens to cope with their pain using any resources available to them. It increases the risk of substance use disorders and eating disorders. Having the supportive relationships, guidance and skills to cope with emotional abuse safely and effectively can change a young person’s life in the long term. 

In this article, we’ll walk you through seven ways to help a teen cope with an emotionally abusive parent as safely as possible.

7 ways teens can cope with an emotionally abusive parent safely

Even if their physical needs are taken care of, teens in abusive households may not know what emotional or psychological safety feels like. These teens will need support to develop a baseline of security and coping skills that help them process their feelings. They’ll need to find other adults they can trust and potentially work with a licensed clinician. 

The following strategies can help teens cope with an emotionally abusive parent as safely as possible:

• Acknowledge the abuse and seek emotional validation. 

To make ongoing abuse more tolerable or rationalize the situation, many teens will blame themselves and accept the negative things they hear from their parent as true. They may want to believe it’s not their parent’s intention to hurt them or that the parent is doing their best. All of this increases the emotional burden on the teen and disregards the harm done by the parent.

Seeing the abuse for what it is, while painful, opens up the possibility of healing. Learning to embrace their truth and validate their own feelings allows the teen to lift themselves up and find a sense of agency. This begins with having safe outlets for expressing themselves, including safe relationships where they can talk about what’s happening. Receiving compassion and validation from others can help a teen learn to be compassionate with themselves.

• Build relationships with safe, trusted adults.

Teens can’t rely on an emotionally abusive parent to offer love and compassion, help them navigate difficult situations, or teach them life skills. They need adults they can confide in when their parent isn’t being supportive. Building relationships with trustworthy adults creates lifelines they can call on when they need help.

• Set emotional boundaries for self-protection.

A teen can’t control their parent’s behavior. However, they can set boundaries around their needs and behavior they will and won’t accept. A boundary isn’t so much about rules and consequences as it is about an individual’s response to someone else’s actions. For instance, a teen might maintain a boundary with a parent by not engaging in a conversation or not sharing details about a personal situation.

• Develop a safety plan for escalating situations.

Emotional abuse can be a form of hostility in itself, or it can lead to other forms of abuse. Teens of emotionally abusive parents should have a safety plan and be prepared to use it if they’re feeling threatened or endangered. This might include emotion regulation strategies, contact information for support people, a safe place to go to and a list of items to grab if they have to leave.

• Focus on activities that build self-worth.

An emotionally abusive parent may target their teen’s self-worth to maintain a sense of control. Taking time for activities that help build self-esteem, confidence and a positive self-image can help a teen become more resilient. It can also help them maintain a sense of inner peace. Extracurricular activities, hobbies, volunteering, arts and crafts, caring for a pet, and exercising can all be sources of self-worth.

• Learn grounding techniques for overwhelming moments.

Being hurt or betrayed by a person who’s supposed to take care of you is very difficult to endure. Staying calm and cool in these moments can make a huge difference in keeping them from escalating. Breathing and grounding techniques can help a teen get through these encounters. For instance, they can try taking deep breaths from the diaphragm or focusing on the physical sensation of the chair or the floor beneath them. However, it doesn’t stop here. The teen will also need to follow up with self-care or support from a trusted friend.

• Keep a private journal for processing emotions.

Writing things down can help get negative thoughts and feelings out of their system. It can lead to helpful insights and self-awareness, too. Journaling doesn’t have to be a formal and consistent practice. It can be a tool for the teen to use when they’re feeling upset. They might keep a dedicated notebook somewhere private and write as needed.

Lightfully Teen helps young people heal emotional wounds and build coping skills for lifelong resilience

Ongoing emotional abuse in the teen years is a heavy weight to carry. It can lead to lifelong difficulties with relationships, self-worth and emotional well-being. Teens experiencing emotional abuse need to know that their feelings are valid and that healing is possible with the right support. Learning healthy coping skills is an important part of a more comprehensive approach to mental wellness. Getting help from a licensed clinician or a counselor can help a young person build resilience, self-reliance and supportive relationships. It allows them to grow more mature through these experiences and set themselves up for a lifetime of mental wellness.

At Lightfully Teen, our licensed clinicians provide whole-person-focused mental health treatment to young people who are enduring emotional abuse from one or both parents. Throughout treatment, they become aware of their needs for wellness in every area of life. They learn to build supportive relationships, advocate for themselves and manage their feelings in healthy ways. Our clinicians use a framework called Precision Care Model (PCM) to ensure that each teen gets exactly the help they need.

Are you seeking treatment for a teen experiencing emotional abuse? We can help. Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team today.