If your teen is spending more time around the house this summer with nothing to do, this can leave them more susceptible to feelings of depression or anxiety. Telling your teen to be more active or do something productive isn’t always helpful, especially if they feel like they’re unwanted or “getting in the way.” Summertime can be a good time to work on your relationship with your child and have important conversations about mental health. 

In this article, we’ll share eight tips for parents who want to rebuild their connection with teens who are feeling like a burden.

8 tips for rebuilding confidence and connection with a teen who’s feeling like a burden

The first thing for parents to know is that it’s not necessarily your fault that your teen is having these negative feelings toward themself. Depression and anxiety usually have more than one cause, including genetic predisposition and chemical imbalances. 

However, the way you talk to your child does make an important difference. Make sure they know they are valued and loved. You should also acknowledge their skills and abilities and give them chances to contribute in a positive way.

Try these eight tips to rebuild your connection with a teen who’s feeling like a burden:

• Validate their feelings without trying to fix them immediately 

Too much critical feedback or correction can chip away at a young person’s self-esteem. It’s easy to start internalizing thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I never do anything right.” 

Instead of trying to swoop in and solve problems right away, reflect back on the things your child shares with you, and try to match the sentiment without judging or minimizing their feelings. Show them you understand where they’re coming from before responding with what you think.

• Create one-on-one time without an agenda 

Spending time together with no pressure to perform or achieve is good for your teen’s mental health and your relationship. Give them the space to relax and just be themselves. 

This lets them know they’re inherently valuable and their worth isn’t entirely based on what they can do. Choose activities that they’re interested in and try to prioritize presence over productivity.

• Involve them in meaningful family contributions 

Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities that allow them to make a difference within your family. For instance, a teen might learn how to make favorite family recipes and help prepare food before a holiday meal. Make sure your teen knows they’re appreciated and celebrate their contributions.

• Share your own struggles appropriately 

Sharing some of your own challenges can help normalize your teen’s feelings a bit while showing them they’re not alone. Only share age-appropriate examples, and talk about how you deal with them so your child doesn’t take on your worries in addition to their own. Being a bit vulnerable can make you more relatable and approachable. 

• Focus on their strengths and interests 

Connecting with your teen on their level and showing you care about their interests will go a long way to help them build a sense of self-worth. Support their hobbies and passions actively without setting expectations that focus on performance, achievement or outcomes. Name the positive qualities you see in them and help them connect with their own sense of self-efficacy. 

• Address practical barriers to connection 

Spend some time reflecting on your family’s interactions, the explicit and unspoken expectations you set, and the time you spend together. No family is perfect. 

If you can open up more room for positive interactions and good conversations, that’s great. If there are some barriers to address, let your teen know you see what’s happening and talk with them about some ways you might solve the problem or at least reduce the impact of it.

• Recognize signs of depression or anxiety 

Sometimes, feeling like a burden can be a sign of anxiety or depression. In these cases, you might notice other symptoms such as constant worrying, avoiding certain activities or people, or low energy. 

Research shows that many mental health conditions start to show up in the teen years. If you think your child may be struggling, pull them aside to let them know what you’re noticing. Try not to make any judgments, but explain why you’re concerned. 

Then ask if they’re open to talking about it or if they’d consider treatment if you help them find a therapist or treatment program. If they have any questions or hesitations about treatment, you can address them together.

• Build their support network beyond family 

Teens need healthy peer relationships and other mentors outside of their immediate family. Help get your teen involved in the community or encourage them to spend time with people who can be good supporters or role models. 

Find out if Lightfully Teen can help your child with feelings of being a burden

When teens feel like a burden, they often withdraw further, creating a cycle that parents can help break with intentional connection strategies. However, you don’t have to figure it out on your own. 

If your teen needs professional help, seeking treatment over the summer can help them work through these feelings without missing any school. At Lightfully Teen, treatment includes weekly family therapy sessions where you can learn how to support your child.

Taking a symptom-based approach can put too much emphasis on the negative. At Lightfully Teen, our licensed clinicians focus on four core processes in a more proactive way. We use a treatment framework called Precision Care Model (PCM) to help teens manage their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. 

Are you concerned about a teen who’s feeling like a burden? We can help. Contact us or reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team today.