When your teen is going through something hard, they’ll likely look for ways to cope. Coping skills can be a great way to process difficult emotions and manage mental health challenges like depression. However, not all coping skills are beneficial. Some ways of coping with stress, sadness or anxiety might make things worse. These are called maladaptive coping skills.

Maladaptive coping skills might feel helpful in the moment, but they can cause issues in the long run. For example, while ignoring a problem might help your teen avoid stress in the moment, it doesn’t make that problem go away. Avoidant behaviors aren’t the only kind of maladaptive coping skill. Your teen may also engage in behaviors that seem out of character, risky or harmful. Research shows that people using maladaptive coping mechanisms are more likely to engage in health-risk behaviors than those with appropriate mechanisms. These risky behaviors might include substance use and self-harm. Teens may use these harmful coping strategies because they don’t know other options, or because they’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know how to ask for help.

As a parent, recognizing the signs of maladaptive coping and knowing how to talk about them with care can help your teen get the support they need.

5 maladaptive coping skill warning signs

• Sudden mood changes — Is your teen unusually irritable, angry, sad or withdrawn? Rapid mood swings, especially when paired with stress, can be a red flag. Your teen might be struggling to manage their emotions and acting out as a result.
• Avoiding activities — If your teen has stopped going to school clubs and started skipping sports practice or ignoring schoolwork, the cause might be more than laziness. Avoidance is a common maladaptive coping strategy. When life feels too overwhelming, some teens shut down.
• Physical complaints — Frequent headaches, stomachaches or feeling “sick” can sometimes be the body’s way of expressing stress. If your teen is regularly complaining about not feeling well and doctors haven’t found a cause, it may be worth looking into emotional factors.
• Risky or reckless behavior — Some teens turn to impulsive behaviors to cope with emotional pain. This might include driving dangerously, sneaking out, sexual risk-taking, disordered eating, excessive online activity or experimenting with substances. These choices are often signs of deeper distress.
• Signs of self-harm — If you notice unexplained cuts, bruises or scars on your teen, they may be self-harming. Other signs might include constantly picking at skin or pulling hair. These behaviors can be ways of releasing emotional pain when no other outlet feels available. Teens often struggle to tell their parents they self-harm due to fear and shame. They may hide their behaviors and even mask any injuries with baggy clothing like hoodies.

How to talk to your teen about their coping strategies

It’s natural to feel worried or scared when you notice your teen using maladaptive coping strategies. However, it’s important not to react impulsively. The way you respond matters. Teens need to feel safe to open up, not afraid they’ll be punished or misunderstood.

Here are some ways to start a healthy conversation:

• Pick the right time — Avoid bringing up concerns in the middle of a conflict or when tensions are high. Choose a calm, quiet moment when you both have time to talk.
• Lead with curiosity — Avoid judgment. Try something like: “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending more time alone lately, and you seem a little down. I just want to check in — how are you feeling lately?” This lets your teen know you’re paying attention and that you care, without accusing them of doing something wrong.
• Focus on feelings — Empathize with your teen’s feelings instead of criticizing their behaviors. Instead of saying, “You’re being so moody lately,” try, “It seems like you’ve been carrying a lot. Is something on your mind?” This approach may help your teen feel seen and make them more open to sharing what they’re really going through.
• Normalize mental health discussions — Let your teen know that everyone struggles sometimes and that it’s OK to ask for help. You might even share times you’ve used therapy, journaling or other coping strategies to deal with mental health challenges.
• Offer support — It can be tempting to offer solutions. However, providing support is often more important than coming up with answers. Your teen likely wants to be heard more than they want advice. If you want to discuss ways to move forward, try open-ended questions like “What do you need from me right now?” or “Would you want to talk to someone else, like a therapist?” Let your teen be part of the solution so they feel empowered instead of controlled.

Lightfully Teen can help your teen find better ways to cope

By learning the signs of maladaptive coping and creating a safe space for honest conversation, you’re already taking the first steps in helping your teen feel more supported. Healthy coping is something that can be learned. With the right tools and support, your teen can move from surviving to thriving.

If your teen’s coping behaviors are affecting their safety, health or ability to function day to day, it might be time to consider treatment. At Lightfully Teen, we offer compassionate, evidence-based care that meets teens where they are. Our Precision Care Model (PCM) is designed to support teens in building healthier coping tools that last. We offer comprehensive, whole-person-centered care at our teen treatment center in Carlsbad, California.

Change is possible. When your teen is ready to address maladaptive coping mechanisms and find more sustainable alternatives, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of your teen.