Middle and high school can be tough. Navigating friendships, fitting in and dealing with the ups and downs of adolescence is a lot. But there’s a darker side to the school experience that many teens face: bullying.
It’s more than just being mean; it’s a pattern of aggressive behavior intended to harm or intimidate someone who is perceived as less powerful. Sadly, it’s more common than you may think.
Around one in five students between the ages of 12 and 18 report being bullied. That’s a significant number, and it highlights why it’s crucial for parents and caregivers to understand what bullying is, why it happens, its impact and how they can help.
What is bullying?
Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior, usually among school-aged children, that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. It isn’t just a one-time thing. It involves repeated actions or words that are meant to cause harm, distress or fear. Bullying can take many forms:
- Verbal bullying — This includes name-calling, teasing, taunting, threats and spreading rumours.
- Social bullying — This involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships through exclusion and gossiping.
- Physical bullying — This includes hitting, kicking, shoving, tripping or damaging someone’s belongings.
- Cyberbullying — This uses electronic communication like social media, texts, emails and online games to harass, threaten or humiliate someone.
The ripple effect: The harmful effects of bullying
Bullying doesn’t always leave physical marks, but it can deeply affect a teen’s confidence, relationships and mental health. For example, being the target of bullying can cause:
- Emotional distress — Feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, shame and loneliness are common.
- Mental health issues — Bullying can contribute to or worsen depression, anxiety disorders, suicidality and self-harming behaviors.
- Physical symptoms — People who are being bullied may experience headaches, stomachaches, sleep problems and a weakened immune system due to chronic stress.
- Academic problems — Difficulty concentrating, skipping school and a decline in grades can happen.
- Social isolation — Bullying can lead to feelings of being alone and disconnected from peers.
- Long-term impacts — The trauma of bullying can have long-lasting effects on self-esteem, relationships, substance use and overall mental health into adulthood.
Long-term exposure to bullying is even a risk factor for post-traumatic stress and ongoing emotional dysregulation. Children and teens may struggle to express what’s wrong, which makes it important for parents to recognize the signs.
Why do kids bully?
It can be hard to understand why someone would intentionally try to hurt someone else. The reasons behind bullying are complex and can include:
- Trying to feel more powerful or in control
- Seeking attention or approval from peers
- Struggling with their own emotions, such as anger or insecurity
- Imitating behavior they’ve seen at home or in the media
- Having a lack of empathy or poor coping skills
- Thinking it’s funny or having nothing better to do
While none of these reasons excuses the behavior, they can help explain it and point toward solutions like emotional support, conflict resolution and treatment.
Spotting the signs: Red flags parents need to recognize
Kids and teens don’t always tell adults when they’re being bullied. About 20% of school bullying incidents go unreported. That’s why it’s crucial for parents, teachers and caregivers to look out for red flags such as:
- Sudden mood changes
- Frequent unexplained injuries or illnesses
- Grades falling, interest in school disappearing and increasing reluctance to go to school
- Eating habit changes (eating too much or too little)
- Possessions regularly going missing or being damaged
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Low self-esteem or negative self-talk
- Aggression increases
- Socialization changes or withdrawal
- Computer or phone usage changes (avoiding or obsessively checking)
- Self-harming behaviors or suicidality being practiced or discussed
Even just a few of these signs can be a reason to have a conversation with your teen.
Why kids don’t report bullying
Many teens and children choose not to tell an adult about being bullied. Some reasons for this choice may include:
- Fear of retaliation
- Shame or embarrassment
- Desire to handle it themselves
- Belief that nothing will change or they won’t be taken seriously
- Worry about being labeled a “tattletale” or losing social status
- Not recognizing the behavior as bullying
How can you help?: Empowering teens and taking action
If you suspect your teen is being bullied, or if they tell you they are being bullied, take it seriously. Here’s how you can support them:
- Listen without judgment — Let them share their experience without interruption or pressure.
- Validate their feelings — Tell them it’s not their fault and that they don’t deserve to be treated that way.
- Focus on their strengths — Help build their self-esteem and confidence by focusing on their talents and positive qualities.
- Work together on the next step — This may include speaking with the school, setting boundaries with peers or creating a safety plan.
- Encourage healthy relationships — Help them build a support system of kind, respectful peers.
- Limit digital exposure — If cyberbullying is involved, consider tools like parental controls or app filters.
- Seek professional support — A therapist can help your teen process their emotions, build confidence and develop healthy coping skills.
Bullying is painful, but no teen has to face it alone. With the right support and guidance, your teen can overcome the impact of bullying and thrive in school, friendships and life.
Lightfully Teen can help your teen feel seen, heard and supported
At Lightfully Teen, we know that bullying can affect every part of a teen’s life: socially, emotionally, academically and physically. That’s why we take a whole-person-centered approach to care.
Our different levels of care use a Precision Care Model to create a personalized treatment plan that is built around each teen’s unique experiences, strengths and challenges. This allows us to tailor your teen’s treatment using evidence-based techniques to meet their specific needs. We don’t just treat symptoms, we see the whole human behind them.
Change is possible. When you’re ready to take the first step to help your teen, reach out to our Admissions Concierge Team. We’ll take the next steps together, toward the fullest, brightest version of your teen.